Miller High Life Light

AFFORDABILITY: Shit is mad cheap, but you know this. I hate the stupid long and skinny 12-pack boxes, and usually avoid them completely, but I was feeling like getting down with this brand again, which used to be at one point my second most-drank flavor of pisswater. 5 out of 5.
DESTROYABILITY: Again, it’s cheap beer so if you drink a bunch, you’ll get drunk. Except you have to drink a whole lot of Miller High Life Light. I can burn through a 12-pack just sitting around. 2 out of 5.
LABEL AESTHETIC: I am a big fan of how swank the High Life cowboy whore slut sitting on the crescent moon looks with the silver background as opposed to the gold background of regular High Life. One time, I cut up a can of Miller High Life Light with some snips and made myself a homemade “platinum” grill, and cut my gums all up shaping that shit, which, the bloody teeth looked even cooler than the fake grill, bleeding just enough to hit the gaps in my teeth but not cover the enamel so it looked like I’d been eating old lady organs after Suge Knight gave me some PCP and turned me loose on the city to learn what gangsta was all about. 5 out of 5.
CORPORATE MASTER: Miller Brewing Company, which would be the big evil except Budweiser exists. So they are Democratic fucks to Bud’s Republicanism. Fuck a Miller Brewing Company. 1 out of 5.
OVERALL AMBIANCE: It is enjoyable overall, but like I said, I have to drink a ton of them to get a buzz. Perhaps this is a sign I should not drink so much, but to that perhaps I say fuck you. If I have to live without drinking, I’d rather die. I just wish I could die quick instead of the normal alcoholic lingering effects of failed livers or kidneys or whatever, all bed-ridden and eyeballs turning yellow. That shit’s terrible to see. 3 out of 5.
TOTAL RATING: 3 & 1/5 STARS!