[The Ragin' Bull]
Manny Fernandez
silenced all doubters with The
Flying Burrito.
Blue collar mustache, macho
rattail dyed blonde for some flash.
~~~~~~~
[Kiwi Mastermind]
Warlord Jonathon
Boyd's Commonwealth Army was
an expat's pipe dream.
Running around, condemning
earth salt Southerners as "Yanks".
~~~~~~~
[Hardcore]
A stiff chairshot to
the head - sure beats working at
Wal-Mart 'til you die.
Sad paralyzed vet greeters
sell the compassion angle.
~~~~~~~
[Minnesota Wrecking Crew]
I dreamt that I was
stretched by Gene Anderson; I
puked, then he hugged me.
His smell was thick with liquor
sweat and cigar tobacco.
~~~~~~~
[The Sheik #2]
The Original
Sheik strode into a drugstore,
bought seven pencils.
Pulling crisp dollars from a
brown wallet, no scene was caused.
~~~~~~~
[Road Journal]
The notebook full of
amounts spent on hotels, gas
and food brings sadness.
Often, it takes many miles
to dull the gloss of young dreams.
~~~~~~~
[Mazatlan]
Cheap heat in border
towns. Change thrown in the ring gets
divvied up fairly.
Dollars, quarters and pesos
passed around like aging whores.
Wednesday, February 8
Confederate Mack Issue 50 Hype!
You probably know the deal. $3.00 by mail or $3.50 by paypal (PO Box 569 Scottsville, VA 24590 or raven mack at earth link dot net). Always entertaining, never duplicating, half playa haitian, half expatriatic southern-american, zine nonsense. Issue 50 was all movie reviews done while imbibing alcohol, and it was accumulated over a couple of years, and when I first got it back, I hated it, but the feedback from those who held it in their own homes was that it was some funny shit. And I should probably stop drinking so much. Here's what's in that issue...
ALCOHOLIC MOVIE VIEWING THEMATIC ISSUE - it's an all double feature movie review while drinking alcohol issue.
MALT LIQUOR MOVIE REVIEW THEMATIC DOUBLE FEATURE - what started, watching Maximum Overdrive and Death Race 2000, drinking forties.
MILLER HIGH LIFE DOUBLE FEATURE MOVIE REVIEW THANG - this one is 40s of Miller champagne beer and watching Disco Godfather (starring Rudy Ray Moore) and Terminal Island (starring Magnum P.I.).
TWO MOVIES AND A TWELVE-PACK OF WHATEVER'S IN THE FRIDGE STILL - hodgepodge alcohol consumption and watching Deathsport (the "follow-up" to Death Race 2000) and Django (greatest western ever).
TRES LUCHADORES & MAS CERVEZA FOR PELICULA - thanks to the hook-up from Blockhead Dan, I was in the lucha flick mode, but I couldn't follow close enough through shitty VCR tracking, so I ended up watching some dollar store DVDs of Final Comedown (starring Billy Dee Williams when he was young and sexy) and Mitchell (starring Joe Don Baker when he was young and sexy).
TAKE THIS COCK AND FIGHT IT - late night bullshit watching Take This Job & Shove It and then Cockfighter, yet another visually beautiful Peckinpah serving
MISTERIOS EN LOS BERMUDES TAKE TWO - filled out the issue actually watching the Bermuda Santo, Blue Demon, & Mil Mascaras movie, which may be one of the greatest movies I've ever seen in my life.
ALCOHOLIC MOVIE VIEWING THEMATIC ISSUE - it's an all double feature movie review while drinking alcohol issue.
MALT LIQUOR MOVIE REVIEW THEMATIC DOUBLE FEATURE - what started, watching Maximum Overdrive and Death Race 2000, drinking forties.
MILLER HIGH LIFE DOUBLE FEATURE MOVIE REVIEW THANG - this one is 40s of Miller champagne beer and watching Disco Godfather (starring Rudy Ray Moore) and Terminal Island (starring Magnum P.I.).
TWO MOVIES AND A TWELVE-PACK OF WHATEVER'S IN THE FRIDGE STILL - hodgepodge alcohol consumption and watching Deathsport (the "follow-up" to Death Race 2000) and Django (greatest western ever).
TRES LUCHADORES & MAS CERVEZA FOR PELICULA - thanks to the hook-up from Blockhead Dan, I was in the lucha flick mode, but I couldn't follow close enough through shitty VCR tracking, so I ended up watching some dollar store DVDs of Final Comedown (starring Billy Dee Williams when he was young and sexy) and Mitchell (starring Joe Don Baker when he was young and sexy).
TAKE THIS COCK AND FIGHT IT - late night bullshit watching Take This Job & Shove It and then Cockfighter, yet another visually beautiful Peckinpah serving
MISTERIOS EN LOS BERMUDES TAKE TWO - filled out the issue actually watching the Bermuda Santo, Blue Demon, & Mil Mascaras movie, which may be one of the greatest movies I've ever seen in my life.
Tuesday, February 7
Confederate Mack Issue 49 Hype!
Stupid stupid zine, but it'll make you shoot cum out your nose, laughing so hard. It is available for $3 by mailbox (PO Box 569, Scottsville, VA 24590) or for $3.50 by paypal (raven mack at earth link dot net). Here's the rundown of what's in this issue...
DELINQUENT THOUGHTS OF A THOUSAND MINDFRAMES - stream of conscious bits and pieces that I originally intended to make the whole issue of, but stopped about halfway through.
CONFEDERATE MACK MAILBAG - got a VERY interesting letter from someone, which made me proud that budding unabombers love me so much, because I don't want them to blow my fingers off.
SUBURBAN COMMUNITIES OF MINDFRAME - wrote for my friend's activist zine which a bunch of anti-WTO hippie anarchists read, and my piece is sort of designed to make them feel weird about how closed-minded their open-mindedness is.
DEAD MEN & JUNKYARDS - from the last issue of Carbon 14, about a funeral back home I went to and junkyards in general and why I love having brokedown shit in my yard.
OBSCENITY, POWER, & PSYCHOLOGICAL DARWINISM - sort of sprung from the Max Hardcore thread on some message board, about him, about pornography, government, and just generally how perverted we seem to be (not meaning perverted like pissing in girls mouths, but perverted in what we concern ourselves with.
WORKINGMAN 12/YANKEEFIED BOSSMAN 13 LIST - 12 good things with tangents and 13 shitty things with tangents, I love doing these things and it's usually the best insight into where my stupid mind is resting at at any given time.
DELINQUENT THOUGHTS OF A THOUSAND MINDFRAMES - stream of conscious bits and pieces that I originally intended to make the whole issue of, but stopped about halfway through.
CONFEDERATE MACK MAILBAG - got a VERY interesting letter from someone, which made me proud that budding unabombers love me so much, because I don't want them to blow my fingers off.
SUBURBAN COMMUNITIES OF MINDFRAME - wrote for my friend's activist zine which a bunch of anti-WTO hippie anarchists read, and my piece is sort of designed to make them feel weird about how closed-minded their open-mindedness is.
DEAD MEN & JUNKYARDS - from the last issue of Carbon 14, about a funeral back home I went to and junkyards in general and why I love having brokedown shit in my yard.
OBSCENITY, POWER, & PSYCHOLOGICAL DARWINISM - sort of sprung from the Max Hardcore thread on some message board, about him, about pornography, government, and just generally how perverted we seem to be (not meaning perverted like pissing in girls mouths, but perverted in what we concern ourselves with.
WORKINGMAN 12/YANKEEFIED BOSSMAN 13 LIST - 12 good things with tangents and 13 shitty things with tangents, I love doing these things and it's usually the best insight into where my stupid mind is resting at at any given time.
Death Valley Driver Video Review #154 Hype!
DVDVR #154
A new DVDVR is up, with a nice write-up on great matches of the year, thus far, by Phil Schneider, who tricks me into wanting to watch wrestling yet again. I didn't do much in this one, as I've lost my smile of late. Wrestling seems too stupid, or too gay, or just not worth the effort. Just like hip hop needs a new Wu-Tang, wrestling needs a new Sabu. Or I need someone to mail me a Necro Butcher DVD.
A new DVDVR is up, with a nice write-up on great matches of the year, thus far, by Phil Schneider, who tricks me into wanting to watch wrestling yet again. I didn't do much in this one, as I've lost my smile of late. Wrestling seems too stupid, or too gay, or just not worth the effort. Just like hip hop needs a new Wu-Tang, wrestling needs a new Sabu. Or I need someone to mail me a Necro Butcher DVD.
Wrestling Tanka - Set Five
[CLAWHOLD! #2]
A black glove clamps tight
to a bloody forehead. The
fans cheer in dismay.
The heel's finisher tempts their
worst nightmares to become truth.
~~~~~~~
[Cauliflower Alley Cats]
Old workers say they
never watch RAW. Only their
TVs know for sure.
Aged carny hearts will always
patter for one last payday.
~~~~~~~
[The Bruiser]
Dick the Bruiser could
lick any wimp in the joint;
he drank up his beer.
Shoulders heavy with a chip
might mouth off, no more than once.
~~~~~~~
[Saito/Patera]
Wrestlers want their food;
stone sailing through fast food glass
shatters the night air.
Cops arrive, unaware of
the hefty fight awaiting.
~~~~~~~
[Captain Redneck]
Dick Murdoch could bump
like a pinball, be a real
goer in the ring.
Legit tough guy laying down
easy for the sake of show.
~~~~~~~
[Piper Promo]
How did Piper break
that bottle on his own head?
He just did, that's all.
Skills learned in barroom bets don't
need gimmicks nor trickery.
~~~~~~~
[WWC]
A cuspidor full
of cocaine made the trip to
Puerto Rico nice.
Jacked eyes watch for knife-wielding
fans while biting Colon's head.
A black glove clamps tight
to a bloody forehead. The
fans cheer in dismay.
The heel's finisher tempts their
worst nightmares to become truth.
~~~~~~~
[Cauliflower Alley Cats]
Old workers say they
never watch RAW. Only their
TVs know for sure.
Aged carny hearts will always
patter for one last payday.
~~~~~~~
[The Bruiser]
Dick the Bruiser could
lick any wimp in the joint;
he drank up his beer.
Shoulders heavy with a chip
might mouth off, no more than once.
~~~~~~~
[Saito/Patera]
Wrestlers want their food;
stone sailing through fast food glass
shatters the night air.
Cops arrive, unaware of
the hefty fight awaiting.
~~~~~~~
[Captain Redneck]
Dick Murdoch could bump
like a pinball, be a real
goer in the ring.
Legit tough guy laying down
easy for the sake of show.
~~~~~~~
[Piper Promo]
How did Piper break
that bottle on his own head?
He just did, that's all.
Skills learned in barroom bets don't
need gimmicks nor trickery.
~~~~~~~
[WWC]
A cuspidor full
of cocaine made the trip to
Puerto Rico nice.
Jacked eyes watch for knife-wielding
fans while biting Colon's head.
Thursday, February 2
Wrestling Tanka - Set Four
[Satanic Sullivan]
Sullivan's ink toss
stained Florida folks' sense of
family duty.
The Mulligan clan tried to
make things right: frontier justice.
~~~~~~~
[The Sheik]
The Sheik pointed up
at places we didn't like,
poking prejudice.
To ask if all Gods are one
is worse than a fireball.
~~~~~~~
[Gordon Solie's Voicebox]
Solie's cigarettes
gave his voice the raspy edge
of serious sports.
Regular belts of Smirnoff
vodka didn't hurt either.
~~~~~~~
[Ages]
Wild Red Berry would
never carry a cell phone;
The Missing Link would.
Text messaging match results
lacks the proper characters.
~~~~~~~
[MSG Streetfight]
I thrilled to Slaughter/
Sheik in MSG, rightly
so. Were you born yet?
Memories of physical
events can't be burned to disc.
~~~~~~~
[Terry Funk]
Funk's punches are like
Chinese calligraphy, bold
strokes of unique art.
His blood takes a watercourse
path south across facial scars.
~~~~~~~
[Indie Lament]
Hot dogs and soda
as a payday, four-hour drive
back: paying your dues.
Too much pop country drivel
on the FM radio.
Sullivan's ink toss
stained Florida folks' sense of
family duty.
The Mulligan clan tried to
make things right: frontier justice.
~~~~~~~
[The Sheik]
The Sheik pointed up
at places we didn't like,
poking prejudice.
To ask if all Gods are one
is worse than a fireball.
~~~~~~~
[Gordon Solie's Voicebox]
Solie's cigarettes
gave his voice the raspy edge
of serious sports.
Regular belts of Smirnoff
vodka didn't hurt either.
~~~~~~~
[Ages]
Wild Red Berry would
never carry a cell phone;
The Missing Link would.
Text messaging match results
lacks the proper characters.
~~~~~~~
[MSG Streetfight]
I thrilled to Slaughter/
Sheik in MSG, rightly
so. Were you born yet?
Memories of physical
events can't be burned to disc.
~~~~~~~
[Terry Funk]
Funk's punches are like
Chinese calligraphy, bold
strokes of unique art.
His blood takes a watercourse
path south across facial scars.
~~~~~~~
[Indie Lament]
Hot dogs and soda
as a payday, four-hour drive
back: paying your dues.
Too much pop country drivel
on the FM radio.
Death Valley Driver Video Review #153 Hype!
DVDVR #153
Yeah, here's the most recent DVDVR, with a bunch of nonsensical rambling by me about working and workers and all that usual workingman hooha.
Wednesday, February 1
Wrestling Tanka - Set Three
[Russian Nightmare]
Nephew Nikita's
Communist clothesline was a
symbolic sickle.
Cold War waned as his baby
face turn grew - chicken or egg?
~~~~~~~
[Television Titles]
TV title belts
were old school infomercials,
meant to sell house shows.
If you can't win the belt in
fifteen minutes, try next week.
~~~~~~~
[Boy From NYC]
Raised by a gypsy,
Boogie kept his beard braided
and his hair unshorn.
A red Cadillac and a
custom trike kept him free, man.
~~~~~~~
[Strong Armed Tactics]
Tables set up for
arm wrestling challenges were
meant to get broken.
Delightful plunge into your
well of kayfabe destiny.
~~~~~~~
[Starrcade '83]
Piper/Valentine
chained like angry animals
'til grudges subside.
Atavastic savagery,
blood trickles into eardrum.
~~~~~~~
[Highspots]
Simple moonsaults pop
crowds - this is mistaken as
causing emotion.
Function abandoning form,
skills learned from cold VCRs.
~~~~~~~
[Memphis Mayhem]
Wildfire waits under
the ring, nursing Millers as
the night grows louder.
Peeing into cans before
Lawler gets the big beatdown.
Nephew Nikita's
Communist clothesline was a
symbolic sickle.
Cold War waned as his baby
face turn grew - chicken or egg?
~~~~~~~
[Television Titles]
TV title belts
were old school infomercials,
meant to sell house shows.
If you can't win the belt in
fifteen minutes, try next week.
~~~~~~~
[Boy From NYC]
Raised by a gypsy,
Boogie kept his beard braided
and his hair unshorn.
A red Cadillac and a
custom trike kept him free, man.
~~~~~~~
[Strong Armed Tactics]
Tables set up for
arm wrestling challenges were
meant to get broken.
Delightful plunge into your
well of kayfabe destiny.
~~~~~~~
[Starrcade '83]
Piper/Valentine
chained like angry animals
'til grudges subside.
Atavastic savagery,
blood trickles into eardrum.
~~~~~~~
[Highspots]
Simple moonsaults pop
crowds - this is mistaken as
causing emotion.
Function abandoning form,
skills learned from cold VCRs.
~~~~~~~
[Memphis Mayhem]
Wildfire waits under
the ring, nursing Millers as
the night grows louder.
Peeing into cans before
Lawler gets the big beatdown.
Carbon 14 #27 Hype!
Carbon 14 website
There's a new issue of Carbon 14 that should be glossifying indie record store shelves soon enough, with the usual assortment of nonsense that they have. Gotta say I'm pretty proud to have a shitty column about demo derbies in the same magazine as an interview with Rudy Ray Moore. They will also start doing print reviews with the next issue, most likely with me doing that shit since I'm stupid enough to do so, so if you do some crappy zine or some shit like that, mail it to the fine folks at Carbon 14 and I'm sure I'll eventually get to see it and make fun of you.
Death Valley Driver Video Review #152 Hype!
DVDVR #152
I've been neglecting this blog, mostly because computers don't get my dick hard like they once did, especially when dressed in a sultry blog, but here's a link to an old DVDVR from a month or so back. I reviewed some TNA and waxed on Eddie Guerrero dying, making smarks think I was an uncaring asshole. Fuckin' people are too sensitive most of the time. And that's coming from a guy who puts fuckin' haiku on a blog.
I've been neglecting this blog, mostly because computers don't get my dick hard like they once did, especially when dressed in a sultry blog, but here's a link to an old DVDVR from a month or so back. I reviewed some TNA and waxed on Eddie Guerrero dying, making smarks think I was an uncaring asshole. Fuckin' people are too sensitive most of the time. And that's coming from a guy who puts fuckin' haiku on a blog.
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