Mistico is so fuckin’ large (in terms of pop culture approval) there needs to be a Negro Mistico like three weeks ago. And Negro Casas will always look to me like a guy trying to jack-off in the woods watching teenage girls swim at the public park swimming hole. Also, if I had a lot of unnecessary money to waste on running stupid wrestling shows that 74 people would go to and then I’d sell only 37 copies of the show, but those 37 copies would in turn be “traded” to another thousand people, I’d totally waste my money on bringing Blue Panther in. That guy has been silently solid for as long as I’ve followed the stupid lucha semi-regularly. Ultimo Guerrero is looking swank as always, though his colors may be a design meant to complement Mistico; I’ve always been super partial to Ultimo’s lime green/black phase.
Mistico is not a big guy, even by lucha standards, and los cuatro rudos grab a limb each and toss him up as far as they can, and Mistico does a great job of landing on his head and throbbing around like masked olive-skinned Rocky King, and I almost start to believe they may actually maim him slightly, right before all four guys pile on to pin him to finalize a first fall win for the crowd-pleasing ways of evil. 1000% rudo, yo, 1000% rudo.
Lucha chaos is not necessarily the greatest work rate wise, but fuck it, I’d rather look at crazy guys in masks slap each other in front of families than work anyways. I’m also starting to realize one of the most marketable things about Mistico is that almost every other luchador can easily toss him 17 feet into the air, and when he lands with a sprawling thud, followed by some epileptic twitching, it makes it all seem oh so real for a second or two. But the tecnicos take over, of course, and Mistico throws like seven shitty kicks during the momentum changing melee, while Negro only throws one that was shown, but it was a nice boot about halfway down Mephisto’s throat through his cheekbone in the corner. A brief gathering of the senses and restart center ring ends up in beautiful lucha chaos that ends with Mistico and Blue Panther slapping on simultaneous submission armbars on Ultimo and Atlantis, after Santito barely gets launched far enough over the ropes into a tope for Averno to catch him without cracking any heads. But fuck it, it’s lucha. Being safe is for sports entertainers.Tercera caida ring card girl has the thick thighs and thick ass that I long to share a king-sized bed jacuzzi hotel room with. The crowd loves them some Mistico, him getting name chants like Santo with horn blasts and mad foot-stomping. And when I’m watching lucha libre and I get to see the Negro Casas slaps on a sleeperhold type thing, falls backward with rudo stomach exposed, Santo does a senton from the top rope but rolls into upright run across the ring to do a tope through the ropes to the outside, then I’m a happy wrestling viewer. That spot’s like the Ric Flair over the top rope run to the other corner spot times siete. So Atlantis is using Que Monito against his will as a weapon, which is funny to me because I don’t often see little furry humans in my every day life, but then Que Monito wobbles over and gives Atlantis the dreaded south of the border below the belt clubbing, and even though Que Monito is maybe 56 lbs. with his furry costume on, Atlantis is down, clutching his el hijo holders. Mistico planchas Ultimo down the aisle, and we just as Santito and Casas are battling Averno and Mephisto and I thunk to myself how this is setting up another ring-clearing situation to leave the capitans Panther and Atlantis in the ring for the finale, Santito and Casas slap on submission holds and it’s over. The thing about lucha main events is they could be interchangeable with a ton of other lucha main events, but were you to have a DVD full of nothing but the lucha main events from CMLL on Galavision, if you didn’t love the fuck out of that divid, I don’t know if I’d want to know you.
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