Confederate Mack Issue 52 Hype!

Got this issue back a few weeks back, just never gave a fuck about a stupid-assed blog for a minute. But here's the rundown on this issue - a pretty funny old school style zine. I think there's another hot on the heels of this one - the end-of-summer high productivity mode out in the camper. You can get this shit, sometimes, for sending wacky awesome shit to my PO Box 569, Scottsville, VA 24590. And some folks I need to mail shit to for a while now, but seriously, fuck a post office and their tiny little windows of operation in a rural-ass town. Here's what's in this stupid issue #52 though fool...
CONFEDERATE MACK ISSUE 52 INTRO SPIEL - Self-explanatory, where I pretend you care what I'm thinking.
METALHEADS WHO SMOKE MAD WEED - In defense of stoner metalheads, who seem to be losing the battle for the soul of metal music to ironic metalheads. Shop class metalheads will always and forever make more sense to me than art school metalheads. Most of this stemmed from me getting baked at a Slayer/Lamb of God show in Cleveland.
SOMETHING THAT MADE ME SAD - In memory of blunt tobacco, gone to waste.
NOW I'M IN THE LIMELIGHT BECAUSE I RHYME TIGHT - Complaining about faggot emo-indy rappers wearing like 19 t-shirts at a time.
LOUNGE LIKE YOU MEAN IT - On some ancient shit, by robot nerd chronology.
WASHINGTON REDSKINS 2006 - Ah, another year full of sad diatribes and wishes for helicopters crashes into the Potomac.
MEL GIBSON - WHORE OF ZION - How Mel Gibson wasn't really against Jews but working for Jews to take attention off of sneaky Jewery going on elsewhere in the World.
NELLY, FEATURING PAUL WALL AND BIG GIPP - Speaking upon grills aka grilles aka grillz.
NEW QUOTE CITY - Things I hearded people say or talk of in my IRL that made laugh all like LOL, but silently inward style so that nobody got all angrily ANFMF on me.
GPS KNOCKIN' ON YOUR FRONT DOOR - Paranoid ramblings about how their doing a front door census of GPS coordinates for every inhabited structure in America. No shit.
SAVING THE UNSAVED - More conspiratorial ramblings, about bitch-ass liberals trying to give dirty Africans computers being just like missionary Christians in essence.
THE SHITTIEST TOWN I EVER LAID TIRE GRIT UPON - Weirton, West Virginia, in case you were wondering. Oh the night I spent there.
INFORMATION SUPER INTERSTATE - Me haterizing on some stupid shit, most likely.
HONKYTONK BADONKADONK - Two actual instances of real life situations where I saw or heard about that stupidest of all songs being appreciated by somebody.
SLANG DOCTOR - Talking about how me and Brown use "loungin'" like the Smurfs use "smurf".
DIRT TRACK SATURDAY NIGHT - Mad love for my local dirt tracks.
NEW SCHOOL HOT RODS ON REMAKE - Verbally showing my disappreciation of them bitch-looking new school Chargers and Mustangs and all that crap that rednecks think makes them look like Stone Cold Steve McQueen or some shit.
SCRATCH-OFF LOTTERY TICKETS - My latest pasttime.
GHOSTWRITER ADMITTANCE - fuck it there's all sorts of stupid shit in this issue as it went more old school zine style and less with the long-winded rants, so I'll just list all the rest of the shit here on out.
WHAT WOULD DOUG LEWELLYN DO - about a fifty cent beer that was warm.
CORAN CAPSHAW - KING OF CHARLOTTESVILLE - about a local dickhead.
NASCAR DAUGHTERS - about something funny a dude told me on top of scaffolds one day.
A QUESTION FOR THE FAST AND MORE FURIOUS AMONGST YOU ALL - about something nobody's answered for me yet.
STRAIGHT OUT OF FARMVILLE VEE AY, SO WHAT YOU GOT TO SAY - about my boy Rob and the Lady of Rage and other stupid back home shit.
THE WORLD FAMOUS DEW DROP INN - about the best dank bar in my town not being so best and so dank no more.
GOAT ENVIRONMENT NEGLECT - about goat ingenuity and raven slothfulness doing battle.
SERVICE & PROTECTORATES - about po-po.
PROTECTING MY INNER-ENVIRONMENT - about sea weed.
SIMPLE LIVING FOR REAL - about shit you can do easy around the house if your house is mad fucked-up like mine.
EGO STROKING - about me getting big-headed.
BRAIN FROZE AKA EVERY WHICH WAY BUT JUICE - about the DVD about the Brain Freeze shows.
CONFEDERATE MACK KIDS CORNER - about a couch.
THOUSAND FEATHERS FLUTTER OFF AND BLOW AWAY WITH THE WIND - about watching some kid wrestle with feeling like a faggot in the eyes of a redneck father.

#83 SLOW-MOWED SINGLES: Catch A Bad One

I remember this being the first single where I was all like, "Man, Del's starting to suck and shit," but now, I guess because hip hop is so fuckin' shitty, I can dig on this single. It's got that wacky "Wack MCs" b-side track, and I bet I could sell that shit on ebay for like next to nothing after shipping it, and plus I'd have to find a scrap of cardboard box to pack it in, and I'd have to answer questions from shithead nerdz about quality and approval rating and all that cyber flea market status quo nonsense. Man, seriously, fuck some robots. If Maximum Overdrive ever happens for real, folks running around with cellphones and ipods and blue teeth and all that shiny crap are for-real seriously screwed so bad that even Emilio Estevez won't be able to save their asses. But Del, he's on some fuckin' white girls while eating mushrooms shit, which I've wavered in my life as to whether I like or not in the hippitty hoppro muzaks, and lately I'm into it. I actually got to watch like 45 minutes of Rap City today, the first time in a couple years, and man oh man does that shit suck, making me like Del crap even more, though it would be nice if he drove a '68 Chevelle with candyflake paint and 20 inch rims like Southern rappers seem to be doing nowadays. Old muscle cars and big shiny rims are two great tastes that taste great together. Now, if only they'd stop it with those pitter pat keyboard beats.

#29 RAP TAPES: The Iceberg

Man, Ice T, hunh? Been a long time since I ever remember listening to these tapes, so I'm not sure what was going through that beady little smoke-stained head of mine. I do know that the combo of Black Sabbath and Jello Biafra's whiny-assed voice in the intro is some awesome shit - way more awesome than anything Jello Biafra has ever done on his own. I know a chick who's cousin or some shit is dating Biafra and they were all together at Christmas dinner or something or other and Jello Biafra was a big fat shithead the whole time. Word to budding revolutionaries sipping on fat coffees who might read this crap: YOU WON'T CHANGE ANYBODY'S MIND ABOUT ANYTHING IF YOU ACT LIKE A CONDESCENDING COCKSUCKER! Unless you are a girl and literally a cocksucker, but even then you don't actually so much change someone's mind as you do just get them to pretend they agree with you for a little while.