AFFORDABILITY: More expensive than cheap, but cheaper than a lot of shit in the 22 oz. bottle, plus with 8% bloodstream infusion. Like I got a Rogue Ale one time and that shit was expensiver than fuck and also tasted like ass, but not really at the same time. Only time in my life I've tasted ass is when you're 69ing with a chick and you lean up and start flicking the anus and that shit tends to unlock the secret pussy and get them loose to where they're licking your ass while you fuck other chicks in a few months. So I guess tasting like ass ain't that bad. I guess a better metaphor would be like that Rogue Ale shit tasted like boiled hobo. And it was expensive. The Hop Rod Rye wasn't that expensive, and was right beside that other shit on the fancy fucker grocery store shelf. 3 out of 5.
DESTROYABILITY: I only got one double deuce because I was going for variety, but it gave me a nice buzz. It talked on the bottle about sediment from their process, but I forgot and slammed the bottom of the bottle. No sweat. Australians call that shit vegemite and spread it on bread. Americans are such pussies about fermented leftovers. 4 out of 5.
LABEL AESTHETIC: Being it's called Hop Rod, they've got a hot rod on there, black label with flames around a purple oval with the coupe style hot rod that has lime green flames painted on it. personally, it's a pretty pimp label, but that whole stupid rockabilly car kulture bullshit sort of ruins it from being perfect. 4 out of 5 though, because of lime green flames.
CORPORATE MASTER: Made by some company called Bear Republic. Isn't California where people think mushrooms make good burgers and homos have color-coded handkerchief communication systems? Fuck that noise. I'm glad it's not Anheuser-Busch and shit, but still, California completely sucks, with the exception of fat Mexicans with full-belly tattoos, Madlib, and whatever bars left in dilapidated white trash cities that look like Philo Beddoe would've drunk Olympia in them. 2 out of 5.
OVERALL AMBIANCE: A good beer, but the corniness of rockabilly dudes hits me too hard. Seriously, dudes who are like 25 and wear white t-shirts and tight jeans cuffed up and comb their hair all funny and have tattoos of smiling cat faces smoking cigarettes on their forearms, and hang out with chicks that look like Betty Page imitators in Drew Carey glasses, those dudes really really suck. It's hard for me to not think about that. 2 out of 5.
TOTAL RATING: 3 STARS!
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