AFFORDABILITY: The Yuengling 12-pack of bottles is the most perfectly priced of twelve-pack of non-headache inducing beers. And really, why the fuck would you drink shit like Miller or Pabst out of bottles other than to be an ironic faggot? And why the fuck would you pay more for shit-water Budweiser bottles than actual semi-tasty beer like Yuengling in the bottles unless you're some sort of idiocratic dumbass sold on commercialism? So even though it ain't aluminum can cheap, motherfuckin' Yuengling's got the hook-up. 4 out of 5.
DESTROYABILITY: Once, me and this other dude almost got his stupid small-sized Nissan pick-up he got for free from some dude stuck in a creek trying to see how strong a free small-sized pick-up truck really was. Yuengling made this decision seem smart, even though we were half a mile from any house, and five or six away from anybody we knew. Truck did well. 4 out of 5.
LABEL AESHETIC: A rather boring label, and yellow is the color of cowardliness, which is confusing because beer is the creator of delusional fighting abilities. Is the yellow a good counter to this? Or does it create internal conflict that makes all chips on shoulders get waxed across the parking lot floor? Too much to think about for such a plain ass label. 1 out of 5.
CORPORATE MASTER: They don't seem evil, even though they're from Pennsylvania. Not major label, but still a pretty heavily distributed indie, at least where I live. 4 out of 5.
OVERALL AMBIANCE: When I don't feel like clutching cans, Yuengling is my first choice, because most beers are crazy to think I want pay fat stacks of dollars to make my brain cells act retarded. And green bottles blend into back road ditches more organically visually when you throw them out the window. 5 out of 5.
TOTAL RATING: 3 & 3/5 STARS!
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