Killian's Irish Red

AFFORDABILITY: I got the stupid Killian’s Irish Red because I was trying to diversify the rut of drinking habits I’d found myself in. I seemed to remember somebody I used to hang with had this stuff all the time, and it not being completely disagreeable, so I got a 12-pack in the bottles. It moves itself into that “nice section of the beer aisle” price-wise, but is one of the lower end destroyers of your credit limit within that little part of the beer aisle. 4 out of 5.
DESTROYABILITY: It doesn’t seem to actually get me drunk, because it tastes like an ass that’s been left out in the sun too long, so I can’t drink it fast enough to get anything more than a hazy head just confused enough to be pissed I’m drinking sun-warmed ass water. Also, this reminds me of my five-point scale, nothing has to do with taste. On one hand, this may seem amusing, but on the other hand, if you’re drinking for taste, drink some fucking lemonade or ginger ale or something. Beer is for drunkards. 1 out of 5.
LABEL AESTHETIC: Nice creepy horse with an outer glow embossment, and letters look like they’d belong well on a race car. Plus, red and black and white are heavenly colors, although the red here is more burgundy toned death note than heavenly red. 4 out of 5.
CORPORATE MASTER: Says it’s from some scumbag place in Ireland, brewed under authority of some mick lawyering, but the address says Golden, Colorado, which means stupid Coors. Coors would be the most evil beer company in America if there was no Anheuser-Busch, meaning Coors is kinda like the Democratic Party. It’s better than the only other major alternative, but it’s still a piece of shit. Why do Coors and Budweiser cost so much too? I mean swill beer is swill beer, and basically you just pay for large advertising budgets with your extra two dollars per 12-pack. 1 out of 5.
OVERALL AMBIANCE: I do not enjoy this Killian’s experience, and this 12-pack actually sat in the back of my fridge for a couple weeks, relegated to the realm of being used in recipes for beer bread (where a can or bottle of beer is used as the yeast). There is still a can of Icehouse in the back of my fridge from like six months ago for that same reason. Still, I got bored enough this week to drink most of the rest of the 12-pack of Killian’s, even though I only did so to give me an excuse to buy a for-real want-to-drink 12-pack. 2 out of 5.
TOTAL RATING: 2 & 2/5 STARS!