S14: ACC Tournament's Top Returning Scorers

You know, as I've been doing these this week, I've googled up the guys on the list, especially for conferences I hardly follow, and I guess I follow the ACC, but not that seriously this year because I've been mired in life events and shit. But I decided not to google shit and just do the list and whatever. It is what it is. As a kid, when the ACC was only 8 teams, the 3-day tournament was always such a festive melee for me. Now, with a first round and teams from Miami and Boston, it's not the same. Oh well, shit changes...
#1: Gavin Grant (North Carolina State forward, 91 previous ACC tournament points) - I vaguely remember Sidney Lowe's (or Moncrief, or whoever, like I said I'm not looking it up, but he's that highly quotable black dude which has given N.C. State it's first respectable coach since Jim Varney died) stupid red jacket he wore for good luck, which means N.C. State must've had some runs going on. The fact the top two returning scorers are from the Wolfpack.
#2: Brandon Costner (North Carolina State forward, 90 previous points) - I remember this guy, and seeing him go nuts on TV games.
#3: Sean Singletary (Virginia guard, 84 previous points) - Singletary just played his last home game at UVA, and lit up Maryland in the process. He's one of the best they've ever had, and it's a shame they didn't have anything to go along with him this year so he could go out with a good run. I had high hopes when Dave Leitao came in to coach UVA, but he's looking like he might have the same effect as Pete Gillen - high hopes, decent recruiting, and occasional runs away from mediocrity, but mostly tethered to the bottom half of the ACC.
#4: Tyler Hansbrough (North Carolina forward, 70 previous points) - I have never hated a basketball player just because of the way he looks as Tyler Hansbrough, although Eric Montross is a close second. The fact he looks like a bratty 5-year-old, even though he's a fucking grown man who will play in the NBA, it is disturbing. My favorite shit was when his nose got fucked up and he wore that mask. I hope someone breaks his whole fucking face this week.
#5: Tyrese Rice (Boston College guard, 66 previous points) - Always played in Jared Dudley's shadow until this year. Every great black kid who played baseball in my little league in the '80s was named Tyrese, although it was spelled in various ways.
#6: Anthony Morrow (Georgia Tech guard, 61 previous points) - Remember when Coach Hewitt took the Yellowjackets to the Final Four and was the new greatest coach to ever have coached a team? He's been off the radar ever since.
#7: Greg Paulus (Duke guard, 54 previous points) - Does Paulus even play? I know Coach K loves his whiteboy guards, so I'm assuming Paulus got injured or something, because a corny-looking honkey doesn't get benched for young recruits. Coach K doesn't operate that way.
#8: Courtney Fells (North Carolina State guard, 54 previous points) - More N.C. State.
#9: DeMarcus Nelson (Duke guard, 51 previous points) - It is funny, because as an ACC fan who is not a Duke or UNC fan, I hate them both. But I think the consensus is usually, especially now that Dean Smith is gone, that you have to hate Duke more. They just emanate this shitty aura, with the Cameron crazies and their stupid overrated fist-nosed coach and their steady stream of McDonald's All-American white guys.
#10: Ben McCauley (North Carolina State forward/center, 47 previous points) - And even more N.C. State.
#11: Cliff Hammonds (Clemson guard, 45 previous points) - Clemson always has this aura of thuggishness. I guess it's because South Carolina is basically North Carolina's less awesome step-brother, and all the greatest North Carolina high school kids (and South Carolina ones) are gonna go to one of the NC schools. And on top of that, Clemson is kind of University of South Carolina's slightly less awesome step-brother (though I guess they've had a far richer basketball tradition). So it's nothing but reasons to have a chip on your shoulder.
#12: Wayne Ellington (North Carolina guard, 44 previous points) - Once Coach K retires though, Roy Williams smug mug is gonna make UNC the most hated. He doesn't even have to recruit anymore, the top kids just gravitate to UNC.
#13: A.D. Vassallo (Virginia Tech guard/forward, 40 previous points) - Puerto Rico! HOOOO! Puerto Rico! HOOOOO! I like A.D. Vassallo because he plays for a Virginia-based team, and he has one of the better names. Seth Greenberg has made Va. Tech a decent team a few years in a row now, which is amazing considering what a football school it is, through and through. I wonder whatever happened to Ace Custis?
#14: Rasean Dickey (Georgia Tech forward/center, 39 previous points) - I would like to see a bare knuckle exhibition of pugilism between Rasean and Tyler Hansbrough, so long as it's not like Kimbo Slice fighting that Irish cop with a ruined ending. It would suck to hate on Tyler Hansbrough and then wish him into a fight with an upright bro and then have him beat down the upright bro, then look right at the TV and yell into the camera, "WHO ELSE WANTS SOME OF HANSBROUGH?"