I have drunken them beers tonight, having the teams I actively rooted for in West Virginia and Western Kentucky fall short, while the teams I passively approved of in stupid UNC and stupid Rick Pitino win, so I am full of basketball love without anywhere to put my hard dick on Saturday. Hopefully, underdogs of a non-Villanova variety will play big today, to give me hope for something beyond future NBAers and overhyped programs in the Final Four. Nonethefuck, here are the top scorers going into today's games, with very little commentaries because I am uncaring at this moment...
#1: Chris Douglas-Roberts (Memphis guard, 126 previous NCAA tournament points) - CD-R, burning shit.
#2: A.J. Abrams (Texas guard, 119 previous points) - A.J. in effect.
#3: Drew Neitzel (Michigan State guard, 103 previous points) - Whiteboy has picked it up and carried the stupid Spartans after bailing on them in the first round. Mayhaps they continue their MAGICAL RUN because Tom Izzo, beyond his last name being famous Jay-Z lyrics, is widely acknowledged by fuckers who acknowledge such things as a great coach.
#4: Stephen Curry (Davidson guard, 100 previous points) - Birth of a college superstar. Dude lit it up last year, and I didn't even realize he was only a freshman. The great thing about him scoring 3000 points per game is he is a team player, patient and passing in the first half, until the coach is like, "Uhh... Stephen? Just go ahead and start throwing up all our shots this half," and they start winning.
#5: Brandon Rush (Kansas guard, 97 previous points) - Fuck Kansas.
#6: Mario Chalmers (Kansas guard, 94 previous points) - Has played for seven years; only man with a longer collegiate career of prominence than Donovan McNabb.
#7: Antonio Anderson (Memphis guard, 89 previous points) - Initials are Double A, which stands for double anal in pornspeak, which is an entirely uncomfortable thing for me to think about. First off, someone having two penises in their anus seems rough, but also having your penis rub against another penis inside some girl's ass seems even rougher. Isn't that ultimately gay (the penis rubbing part, not the me not liking it part)?
#8: Russell Robinson (Kansas guard, 81 previous points) - Double R stands for fuck Kansas.
#9: Scottie Reynolds (Villanova guard, 69 previous points) - Hard not to like this guy as he has carried his team thus far. A youngster who, if he doesn't go pro early like hotshots like hisself usually do, could mean big thangs for the Wildcats in the next year.
#10: Robert Dozier (Memphis forward, 69 previous points)
#11: Joey Dorsey (Memphis forward, 68 previous points)
#12: Darrell Arthur (Kansas forward, 56 previous points)
#13: Andre Allen (Memphis guard, 52 previous points) - Another double anal dick-rubbing.
#14: Brook Lopez (Stanford forward, 52 previous points) - This is the one of the giant twins who doesn't have the white man 'fro, although their last name makes me think they may be trickster hispanics instead of for-real white dudes.
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