Well, some schools just don't have much hope, even as we've just actually turned the calendar to fall. They've already been beaten and blundered from goal post to goal post a couple of times, but have to finish out the season nonetheless. Here are your fourteen worst college football programs thus far this season, with the simple criteria being least number of wins (namely, none) and then worst margins of defeat.
#1: Lincoln University Lions (0-3, 47.33 average margin of defeat) - The Lincoln Lions are making their return to college football after a 48-year hiatus, rejoining NCAA Division II's traditionally black CIAA conference. Thus far, it has not gone well, following up a 63 to nothing loss to CIAA powerhouse Fayetteville State with a 56 to 7 whipping at Shaw University this past weekend.
#2: Bethany Swedes (0-2, 46.50 avg. defeat) - The first of five NAIA teams in the list, out of the Kansas Collegiate Athletic Conference. I figured even though the NAIA is like this outlaw organization with everybody mostly thinking the NCAA means everything in college sports, I'd include them, because it's small colleges like any other, and people are putting forth the effort. Well, I guess. Bethany lost to Southwest Baptist University last weekend, 83 to 6. That marked the first time in seven years that Southwest Baptist had won two games in a row.
#3: Indiana State Sycamores (0-3, 44.00 avg. defeat) - Member of the Football College Sub-division's Missouri Valley Conference, getting their asses handed to them directionally. Last weekend, they were 48 to 3 losers to Northern Illinois. The week before, it was at the hands of Eastern Illinois, 38 to 3. And they started the season, dropping one to Eastern Michigan, 52 to 0.
#4: Quincy Hawks (0-3, 43.00 avg. defeat) - Quincy, of the NAIA's Mid-States Football Association, is only a school of about 1200 students. This past weekend, it stepped way over its head to get whooped by FCS (okay okay, Division I-AA) team Central Arkansas on the road, 51 to 6. They got the opening field goal, but that was about it, although they did clock a $25,000 check for the game, probably subsidizing most of their athletics programs for the year.
#5: Newport News Apprentice School Builders (0-1, 42.00 avg. defeat) - Newport News, from Division III's Atlantic Central Football Conference, continues a rich NCAA tradition of maritime trade schools fielding football teams that accomplish nothing beyond ridiculous defeats. The Builders started their season this past weekend with a 42 to 0 loss at home against UVA-Wise.
#6: Tabor College Blue Jays (0-2, 40.50 avg. defeat) - Another member of NAIA's Kansas Collegiate Athletic Conference, which means they will at least get to face-off at Bethany College the second week of October.
#7: Bluffton Beavers (0-2, 38.00 avg. defeat) - Straight out of the Heartland Collegiate Athletic Conference in the NCAA's Division III, the Beavers ain't hitting on much. They did scrape together a touchdown in a 34 to 7 loss to Adrian this past weekend, their first score of the year after a 49 to 0 rape at the hands of Alma College to start the season.
#8: Principia College Panthers (0-3, 38.00 avg. defeat) - Principia is a traditional NCAA Division III powerless program, running up terrible losing records year after year, but shifting their league affiliation this year to the Saint Louis Intercollegiate Athletic Conference, in its first year of having a football class since 1999. But things haven't changed much. Opening week, they gave Lewis & Clark their first win in three years. Two weeks ago, the Panthers crossed mid-field against Whittier for the second time in the game, with about a minute left to play. And they got crushed 40 to 0 last week against Crown. Nowhere to go but yadda yadda yadda.
#9: Dordt College Defenders (0-3, 36.00 avg. defeat) - Fielding a varsity level football team for the first time ever, in the Great Plains Athletic Conference, one of the NAIA's power conferences. In other words, the Defenders are unproven bait in a small pond with bigger fish. Like last weekend, when NAIA #6 ranked Morningside stomped Dordt 62 to 0.
#10: Culver-Stockton Wildcats (0-3, 36.00 avg. defeat) - Our fifth and final NAIA representative, from the Heart of America Athletic Conference, playing low quality football in Canton, Missouri, in some sort of bizarro experiment. They also clocked their grip travelling to lose 70 to 7 at South Dakota (another FCS/Div. I-AA team), which I guess was an improvement, as they'd been outscored 45 to nothing their first two games.
#11: North Texas Mean Green (0-3, 35.67 avg. defeat) - The only Division I school on this list, albeit a lowly member of the second-thought Sun Belt Conference. After a double drubbing from LSU and Hurricane Ike two Saturdays ago, they at least got a week off to regroup. This is not a good team though, having lost 15 of their last 17 games.
#12: Lawrence Vikings (0-2, 35.50 avg. defeat) - A Division III school, member of the Midwest Conference, they improved last weekend, only losing to St. Norbert 44 to 18, which was a marked improvement from their first game's manhandling at the hands of Monmouth College, 47 to 2. Having what was probably a gimme safety is almost worst than just dropping a goose egg on the scoreboard.
#13: Lock Haven Bald Eagles (0-4, 33.75 avg. defeat) - From Division II's Pennsylvania State Athletic Conference, losing the past two weeks 45 to 7 (against Indiana, Pennsylvania) and 36 to 0 (against Shippensburg). Again, nowhere to go but you know the rest.
#14: Adams State Grizzlies (0-4, 33.00 avg. defeat) - Another Division II team, from the Rocky Mountain Athletic Conference, they are an enigmatic team. Two weeks ago, they scored the first 16 points against Chadron State, but ended up losing 37 to 26. Three weeks ago, against Division I Southern Utah, they had outgained them offensively, 310 yards to 229, but were still down 35 to 0 at halftime. Clearly, they are trying to claw their way out of being a Division II bottom feeder.
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