Friday Love/Hate

I love wearing my dirty assed bright orange stocking hat this time of year, all high up on my head like an old dude from some dirtbag east European country would wear. My grandpa used to wear his like that, and I never could figure out how to do it. Then when I stopped giving a fuck about things like personal appearance, my hat rode up comedically to the top of my head naturally. There's probably a valuable life lesson in that, but I didn't bother to pay attention.

I hate people who talk about taking a cold shower to stifle their sexual urges. I used to live in an apartment that was basically a retard commune, and the only place you could have any pure privacy was in the bathroom, and that's where the best porn mags were, so usually that's where I'd masturbate. Being we never paid bills in a timely manner, half the time we didn't have hot water either, so I learned how easy it is to masturbate in a cold shower's stream. It's actually nice feeling. That tub never drained, and there'd be like two inches of water in it with questionable chunks of things floating in it at all times. You just had to hope it was your questionable chunks of unovaried babies.