S14: Best College Football Teams

Figured I'd do one more best football teams list since Division II playoffs are about to start, and Division III and I-AA aren't too far behind. I'm not sure about NAIA, it being too far off the radar, but I'll probably find out as I look up stupid little things to mention along with these listings. Most likely in a couple weeks, once all college regular seasons have ended, I'll do a final shitty team list, and then a final best team list after the Division I National Championship spectacle, which I guess is like the second week of January now. Fucking ridiculous. But here's the best college football teams, simple criteria of least amount of losses (meaning none pretty much) with average margin of victory breaking the ties.

#1: Mount Union College Purple Raiders (9-0, 39.89 average margin of victory) - The Purple Raiders faced fellow unbeaten team Otterbein last weekend in a Division III showdown for control of the Ohio Athletic Conference, and Mount Union smoked the #12 Cardinals of Otterbein 49 to 20, solidifying their own #1 ranking, and setting them up to steamroll through the Division III playoffs, yet again.

#2: Morningside College Mustangs (9-0, 39.89 average victory) - Morningside will be taking part this weekend in what the NAIA refers to as The Game, against Sioux Falls (see #5 below) in South Dakota, where Sioux Falls has won 32 straight games. They've also won 72 of their last 73 conference games (both teams are members of the Great Plains Athletic Conference), with the only loss coming to this very Morningside team in 2005.

#3: University of Saint Francis Cougars (9-0, 39.11 average victory) - The #3 ranked team in NAIA football has a showdown on the road in Chicago with their Mid-States Football Association rival, Saint Xavier, this Saturday. The winner will go to the NAIA playoffs. The NAIA actually signed a deal to have their national championship on TV this year, although it's whatever fucked up college sports CBS-affiliated station there is inside the cables and satellite signals nowadays. But it'll be on TV.

#4: Monmouth College Fighting Scots (10-0, 36.30 average victory) - Division III the Fighting Scots fucked up Knox College last week, to retain the Bronze Turkey, whatever the fuck that is. I love all those little obscure ass regional trophies like that. Hampden-Sydney College plays Randolph-Macon, and that's like the third oldest rivalry in college football, and it's little shit ass private colleges, but them whiteboys get geeked up for that shit. Congrats to the Fighting Scots though, for winning their version of the Super Bowl, and now they wait for the Division III playoffs to start next week.

#5: University of Sioux Falls Cougars (9-0, 36.22 average victory) - Sioux Falls is a perennial NAIA powerhouse, ranked #2 right now going into the aforementioned showdown with Morningside, and in their nine games, have only given up 26 points this season. The Cougars struggled last week against shitty little Dordt (who has shown up on the worst version of this list both times) and only won 34 to 2 on the road. Perhaps even in the small pond of NAIA unknown college football, teams can suffer from looking ahead.

#6: University of Minnesota-Duluth Bulldogs (11-0, 34.45 average victory) - The Northern Sun Intercollegiate Conference champions' regular season ended last week, and they earned a bye through the first week of NCAA Division II playoffs, which get underway this Saturday. In two weeks, they will host their first ever playoff home game against the winner of Wayne State/Chadron State.

#7: Wabash College Little Giants (9-0, 33.78 average victory) - Wabash hosts DePauw University in their 115th meeting, for The Monon Bell this weekend. Wabash is the favorite to win the game as well as the North Coast Conference title, and earn an entry into the Division III playoffs.

#8: Abilene Christian University Wildcats (10-0, 33.70 average victory) - The Wildcats have already won the Lone Star Conference title for the year, wrapping up Division II regular season competition last week by whooping Midwestern State. They got a bye through the first week of the Division II playoffs, and in the second round will host the winner of a game this weekend between Central Washington at West Texas A&M. West Texas's only loss this season came against Abilene Christian in their conference blood feud, so a rematch in the playoffs would be huge. West Texas A&M is probably more known nationally this season for being where Ryan Leaf was bumming painkillers from players.

#9: Millsaps College Majors (9-0, 32.56 average victory) - After beating fellow small college previously undefeated powerhouse Trinity College a couple weeks back, Millsaps should be able to cruise through their regular season finale against cross-town rival (the town is Jackson, Mississippi) Belhaven College this weekend, into the Division III playoffs next week.

#10: Friends University Falcons (9-0, 29.00 average victory) - The past two years, Friends has been Kansas Collegiate Athletic Conference co-champions with Bethel, but this past weekend, they crushed their conference rival, 41-7, to earn a solo championship. Should they power through Saint Mary's this weekend, they will enter the NAIA playoffs as top five team.

#11: Grand Valley State University Lakers (10-0, 28.30 average victory) - Grand Valley State is the #1-ranked team in Division II, and a traditional power at that level. They closed out the regular season by crushing the 25th-ranked Division II team, and got a bye through the first round of the playoffs, being seeded #1, awaiting the winner of this weekend's Ashland/Minnesota State game.

#12: Case Western Reserve University Spartans (9-0, 27.67 average victory) - They can lock up the University Athletic Association title this weekend against Washington University, and probably get into the Division III playoffs as well. The UAA only has four teams. Case Western is 2-0 in conference; Washington U. is 1-1.

#13: Boise State University Broncos (9-0, 25.89 average victory) - Boise State is the infamous BCS crashing team that plays on that ridiculous blue turf, who beat Oklahoma with plays from the 1930s where the dude who scored the winning points proposed to his girlfriend in the end zone afterwards. And here they are again, undefeated, and trying to crash the BCS games, which should be crashed. I find it amazing the biggest argument against a playoff in Division I football is that it would make the regular season games less relevant. I have a solution (internet Div. I playoff solution #3,295,406) that solves that problem and doesn’t make the season too retardedly long either. You keep doing the polls and computer ratings and releasing the BCS bullshit, but all you do is take the top 8 teams that actually win their conference title. Fuck second place teams, even if they’re in the best division on earth. If you’re not the best in your conference, you can’t be the best in the nation. And who the fuck cares if Boise State would finish in 13th place in the SEC? Take the best 8 of the eleven conference champions (or if one of the few independent teams finishes higher in the BCS than four of the conference champions). It’d make the conference title games all the more important, and all the games going up to it more important, because right now a major team could lose a game and still weasel their way into the national title game. I’m gonna email President-Elect Obama a link to this post. Everything’s different now. He’ll listen to me instead of just sending a form letter response.

#14: Texas Tech University Red Raiders (10-0, 25.70 average victory) - I actually watched their game last week against Oklahoma State (I missed the Texas one), and this is a fun ass team to watch. I would be perfectly happy to watch them play in the national title game. It’s like watching Madden football almost, so much so you sort of wish they’d just abandon punting altogether and plan on going for it every fourth down ever.