2009 Goals #5: Accumulate More Critters

My last goat has been dead for a while now, yet all I have hanging around the house are my daughters' cats (plus the stray one living under the trash shed). It's time to tear up some shit with retarded animals. And being a housepainter, I have lots of free brain time to think about stupid shit. So here is what I'd like to get, sectioning off our pasture into separate segments, and starting to cultivate some hawthorn bushes as hedges... A) more goats, preferably useless ones like I used to have, banded dehorned male goats, and I will want to give them evil named but they will get goofy girl names from my family, B) a pig, who will not get a name, because he will straight up be for eating later in the year, although I hear it is better to get pigs in pairs or they get depressed and unhappy, and the last thing I want inside my homegrown slabs of bacon is the energy of depression (this is why cheap pork products are so unhealthy for humans, not the meat itself but the molecular energy contained therein, due to creeping living standards of agribusiness pork farms, as well as the robotic slaughterhouse technology they use nowadays, where most pigs are genetically designed to be the exact same fucking size and shape, so the robot knives don't have to be tinkered with), C) a couple mutt dogs, because it's time to have some fucking dogs again, hopefully going to the SPCA for my birthday next month, and I had told my wife I wanted a yellow lab mix of some sort who I would name Ric Flair, but we'd make it one word to say fast like Ricflair, "C'mere Ricflair, sit Ricflair," and obviously for the other dog I'd like a hound dog mutt named Manson, because everybody needs a dog named Manson, although I guess that stupid Ben Stiller sketch from his stupid sketch show kinda makes that seem kinda gay, D) the wife and kids have wanted burros for a while, and I figure I try to emulate the Mexican man's chronic laziness and overpopulation of the world, so I might as well have some burros, and being we are retarded as a family unit and not just on my own, me and the wife thought it good to named them Manhattan, Staten, Brooklyn, Queensbridge, and Boogie Down, so that we'd have the five burros - a stupid pun, yes, but if we actually had five living creatures grazing lazily on our property to carry the stupid pun out to full effect, I guess that would make it beyond simply a stupid pun and something remarkably over-the-top stupid that I could be proud to explain uncomfortably to my mother, and E) a white tiger on a leash that eventually I run away with to live underneath a rock overhang in the Blue Ridge mountains, idly scribbling drunken ramblings into the rocks with old railroad spikes.