Fisherman's Pumpkin Stout

AFFORDABILITY: I had found a new store in Charlottesville that's been there my entire 9 years here called Beer & Wine Warehouse, but it's in a little den of nothing beside a Jiffy Lube hard in a busy intersection with no obvious escape route should it be full of wine snobs attempting to molest with me with corduroy elbow patches and snifters full of grey beard hairs, so I have never stopped there until the past week or so. Once there, although most of the store was all wine all the time, there was a glorious corner of beer on shelves, all sorts of fantabulous strange labels as well as the obvious. I stifled my desire to go, "'Scuse me, you got any Bud Light?" and ended up picking a few stupid things. This was my most exciting purchase as I am a fan of the idea of pumpkin beers, although I would say at this point most of them suck the life from me because they are pumpkin beers in the sense of having pumpkin on the label rather than having pumpkin in their taste. My dead grandma who died from the breast cancers used to make me a special pumpkin pie and set it on the dryer in the bathroom covered with a hand towel so nobody else ate it every Thanksgiving once I became grown, showing how much I appreciate a pumpkin and how much she appreciated my passion for stupid shit. Props to her, and props to teh Pumpkin Stout for being available, fuck affordable. (Side note: in my brain, I often ignore the fact that in beer "stout" means "tastes like a handful of plant" and I think of stout like I was in a locker room splitting a bottle of lemon-lime Mad Dog with a couple of dudes on the basketball team and we were talking about how cock diesel some dude on the other team was, but we were consulting our degenerate teenage brain thesaurus for synonyms, which would've said "stout".) 4 out of 5.
DESTROYABILITY: I drank four of these, kissed a girl, and I liked it. I hope my boyfriend doesn’t mind. He probably shouldn’t since it was my wife who was the girl. 3 out of the 5.
LABEL AESTHETIC: A dark and ominous label, with shadowy fisher dude steering one of those old school wood wheels. The label is mostly dark colors but has orange letters and subtle almost-orange leaves, and talks a tale of the summer’s end and the impending holidays and hypes you up to drink their beer. But there is a strange Scooby Doo opening montage quality to the whole thing. 2 out of 5.
CORPORATE MASTER: I don’t know much about the Cape Ann Brewing Company, beyond what is on their label in the little box with their name, which their logo is two lighthouses shining a light in opposite directions, and underneath all that it says they “Donated to the Northeast seafood coalition,” which means they help make it more likely I’m gonna eat some goddamned tuna medallions for dinner tomorrow night, conceivably. 4 out of 5.
OVERALL AMBIANCE: It was good and gave me joy, but it was still not Buffalo Bill’s Pumpkin Ale, which is how I thought of it about with the word “pumpkin” on the bottle. 2 out of 5.
TOTAL RATING: 3 STARS!