#1: NEW YORK GIANTS (12-4, 1st overall) - And then there was one Manning. The Giants last year were underdog upstarts who rallied their way through the playoffs into holding shiny Lombardi justification. This year, they've been the most highly regarded team most of the year, and have struggled towards the end. Usually, in the NFL's engineering of storylines, tihs means they will win a game this weekend, to seem like they've got it together, sell some shit at the NFL Shopzone, but then they'll get trumped by someone else next week, most likely Carolina. The Eagles beat the Giants last time in New Jersey, which makes it seem POSSIBLE! And the Panthers lost a tough one that next to last weekend in primetime to the Giants, very similarly to how the Giants lost a high profile game last year to the Patriots the last week of the season. The Panthers have been set up man, mark my words. But the Giants will win this weekend, because the Panthers beating the Eagles means much less than them beating the much-ballyhooed Giants.
#2: PITTSBURGH STEELERS (12-4, 2nd overall) - The Steelers have quietly pumped up maybe the best all-over defense of my adult lifetime this year. Polamalu was already known as a headhunter, but Ryan Clark (former Redskin) has developed into quite the concussion missile himself. Fucking James Farrior, Lamar Woodley, a slew of other scary black men, all swarming on defense from unsuspected directions. Fast Willie Parker seems stuck on three-quarters, and Ben Roethlisberger has been apt to stand around in the pocket until people push him into the turf, but their offense, chugging along as best it can (usually better than normal when Hines Ward gets a chip on his shoulder for first downs and TDs instead of decapitating defenders under the guise of blocking like he usually seems to be looking for), if it can throw up a dozen and a half points, I can't see them losing. I know the Chargers are allegedly an offensive juggernaut, and I've already read people acting like they're better with Sproles than with Tomlinson. Ridiculous. Mike Tomlin got his boys amped the fuck up and the Bolts, reined in by Norv Turner's born loserdom, will be no match.
#3: BALTIMORE RAVENS (12-5, 3rd overall) - My homey who's a Ravens fan came by with his fam to watch the game this past weekend, and we put a hunk of venison in the crock pot I got from the cop fellow I've been painting for, through in some turnips and potatoes and a ton of garlic, drank beers, watched the Ravens win handily, all the while discussing the very obvious differences between the Ravens and Redskins, and then it was warm so we all sat at the picnic table and ate good fucking food while the kids ran around throwing meat scraps at the dog, and it was good warm January Sunday football time. I hope one day Dan Snyder will no longer own the team I've given my senseless emotions to for my entire life and I can enjoy such a Sunday in the Redskins favor.
#4: TENNESSEE TITANS (13-3, 4th overall) - Seems like every few years, a 13-3 team storms into the playoffs making false claims to the NFL throne. It is Tennessee's year for such an event. I trust rookie King of Maryland/Delaware/New Jersey tri-state region Joe Flacco far more than I would old drunken racist roofer Kerry Collins. And Chris Johnson won't be so quick to be quick after a Ray Lewis spinebreaker. And next year, I guess it's back to Vince Young, or they could just run a full-time wildcat formation. The Titans defense has carried them this season, and with Lord Albert Haynesworth not even close to 100%, consider them a sham of a contender.
#5: CAROLINA PANTHERS (12-4, 5th overall) - I see an engineered Panthers/Steelers Super Bowl, aka Cowher Bowl, except something happened to where Cowher decided he liked laying back on the pre-game tip, so they didn't set him up to be Panthers coach like it had been planned. But we will still get a Cowher Bowl, just not with Cowher in Carolina like originally scheduled. The Panthers will cruise past the Cardinals, who are still just the Cardinals. I can't wait to see what Steve Smith has airbrushed on his cleats this week.
#6: PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (10-6-1, 6th overall) - Donovan McNabb dancing at the end of game, pretend snatching the football from people was hilarious. He knows this is his twilight, and he will enjoy it immensely. I am rooting for him to go another weekend, although I know it won't happen. It also seems retarded every team doesn't just have their most athletic linebacker shadow Bryant Westbrook constantly. Why even fuck around?
#7: SAN DIEGO CHARGERS (9-8, 13th overall) - The fucking Chargers, faking their way further, under the tutelage of that pockmarked loser Norvell Austin Turner. If anyone was ever a cancer on a team, it's him, because most alleged "cancers" are easily removed. You can waive a T.O. But Norv lingers and never quite goes away completely. Shit, the Redskins still suck because of him.
#8: ARIZONA CARDINALS (10-7, 16th overall) - I hate Kurt Warner almost as much as I hate Norv Turner. This, of course, means Warner likely will sign a multimillion dollar 4-year contract to play for the Redskins next year, probably joining T.J. Houshmanzadeh and their stellar draft class of a 2nd round pick and a sixth-rounder, with all the rest traded away for inactive players.
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