Sierra Nevada Celebration Ale

AFFORDABILITY: By regular man's standards, Sierra Nevada is never affordable, yet somehow women love it. Therefore, it is much like vagina itself - costly, both financially and on a personal level, yet unlivewithoutable. 3 out of 5.
DESTROYABILITY: I have mostly left this in the fridge for my wife over the holidays, and only tapped into it when it is late and I'm not sure what else is kosher for me to drink. On one hand, this usually means I am feeling alright like people not on a cruise ship with the Grand Funk Railroad, but on the other, how much can I attribute to this particular beer and how much can I attribute to its predecessors (much like how we should judge Obama’s impending inevitable failure as the President dude)? Still, benefit of the doubt is 3 out of 5.
LABEL AESTHETIC: Poinesettias and a log cabin. I would hate it if I wasn’t such a sucker for Little House on the Prairie, and it makes me think of Paw selling off his repainted wagon wheels to buy Maw that wood stove she’s wanted. And all the kids get stick candy in their socks on the mantle, and there’s no jingle bells because it’s Little House on the Prairie and they believe in God, not fat dudes in red velvet whored out in retail advertisements. And, of course, thinking of Paw painting that wagon wheel to sell at the general store makes me think of “Wagon Wheel” by Old Crow Medicine Show, which I’m highly apt to sing real loud inside the anonymous confines of my truck while no one is around, not even the God they believe in on Little House, since things like that aren’t real, although if Michael Landon landed in the passenger seat of my truck to convince me of it, I’d probably believe, although he’d probably have a hard time explaining it with one of the empty Pepsi bottles on that side of the truck stuck up his ass, which would probably be inevitable. 3 out of 5.
CORPORATE MASTER: Dude, it’s Sierra Nevada. If it’s not in distro collusion with the big boys, it’s strong-armed its way nationwide because of the Mafia. Can’t truss it, although at this point what do I truss? 1 out of 5.
OVERALL AMBIANCE: When they did that Mr. Show skit where they had the hippie pie, I laughed a hearty laugh that can only be laughed because you know it to be funny because it’s true. Because of such a truth in my blackened heart, I disdain Sierra Nevada like a hater of the player, ignoring the game completely. 0 out of 5.
TOTAL RATING: 2 STARS!