Snow Cap Seasonal Ale

AFFORDABILITY: I have come to associate cost tolerance with how good or bad the beer ends up being. I would assume, with my credit being shitty, and work about to run out, pretty soon I will be rating 40s of malt liquor that I get with spare change. But for now, with the consumer frenzy of the holiday season having swept me up there for a minute, I did not care. This 6-pack though, being it ended up shitty, was too expensive at like $9 a 6-pack. 1 out of 5.
DESTROYABILITY: I do not know, honestly I couldn't drink them abundantly enough at a rapid pace to get a wobbly head from it all. Seems like every fucking beer thinks tasting like Sierra Nevada Pale Ale makes it a good beer. This one claimed to be a "full-bodied winter warmer," which conjured up, in my head at the store, you know, Harpon Winter Warmer. Probably the best thing about this beer was buying it, as it was Christmas Eve, and we took our kids to this living history old pioneer style farm museum, except my wife had sewn some old-fashioned skirts for the girls, and we all wore old-timey shit. I had on a pair of overalls and some strange colonial worker shirt, which I'm not sure why we had it in the house. My wife said it came from the billionaire's place I worked at from time to time, but I have no recollection of it. So me and the wife and kids look like some odd Mennonite offshoot cult, strolling around the grocery store in Waynesboro, buying sliced turkey and a couple 6-packs of beer on Christmas Eve. We got a few strange looks, but everybody sort of diverted their attention if we happened to look at them looking at us. It was fun. Makes me want to start a cult. Still, Snow Cap had nothing more to do with this than getting bought in the process. 1 out of 5.
LABEL AESTHETIC: The label is pretty tight, big snow-capped pyramids with pine trees and a moose and beaming circle of winter stars. So I'll give them credit for their stupid fucking label, being there's not much more I feel like giving them credit for. 4 out of 5.
CORPORATE MASTER: It says Pyramid Breweries, with noted locations in Portland, OR, and Berkley, CA. This would suggest left coast liberalism microbrewery, except I have become distrustful of such affairs with how the bigger brewers buy up these smaller ones and act like it's some separate shit when it's really just major beer brewer bullshit. The fact the Pyramid Breweries are using twist-off bottles I find suspect. For one thing, you would assume twist-offiness means mass produced, although I know the twist-off ones have become cheaper. The guy at the homebrew store and me had a nice paranoia-inducing conversation one time about how he thinks the smaller brewers have moved way from capped top bottles to discourage home-brewing, or to at least make it more difficult. That would not surprise me. And since my paranoia has been induced, being this was a less than impressive beer in a less than straight-up capped bottle, I'm gonna assume, until somebody proves to me otherwise, preferably on a Greyhound bus during a long ride through the Arkansas flatland, that Pyramid Breweries is some shady Illuminati front at being a microbrew. 0 out of 5.
OVERALL AMBIANCE: In case you did not notice, even with my good holiday spirit, which I was full of, due to mad cookie baking in the compound, and plenty of firewood to keep the woodstove kicking, this beer was not on my nice list. 1 out of 5.
TOTAL RATING: 1 & 2/5 STARS!