AFFORDABILITY: Like the other Polock porter beer I talked of the other day, this one was around $3 for a just-over-a-pint bottle. The Zywiec also be claiming 9.5% alcohol. 6 out of 5.
DESTROYABILITY: 9.5% bro... strong enough to have a slight hint of burn like you’re drinking grown folks alcohol, yet still just a beer, and that touch of chocolate but not overbearing like a good porter would do. Shit, I missed out on this one on New Year’s Eve, because the other dude drank this one, and I went back to the fancy beer store to get a couple of these, and it got me nice, real nice. 4 out of 5.
LABEL AESTHETIC: Black, brown, burgundy, and gold colors, fancy shield with a crown and an old timey couple in old fashioned clothes dancing like it’s the wedding scene from The Deerhunter... fucking awesome. 5 out of 5.
CORPORATE MASTER: Made by Grupa Zywiec S.A. of Zywiec, Poland, and the back label (which I had neglected to stare at to this point) has a black-and-white proud industrial communist picture of what I would assume would be Zywiec about forty years ago when the smokestacks by the river were still emitting profitable pollutants into the ozone. This is obviously made by good people, if by good you mean “knows how to get fucked up to forget how fucked up everything is.” 5 out of 5.
OVERALL AMBIANCE: I also hadn’t noticed how the label said “FAITHFUL TO TRADITION” which is how I feel - faithful to my genetic tradition of being proud of drinking too much, yet another example of people being proud of the fucked-up places they come from. It is like I’m an Armenian or something. 4 out of 5.
TOTAL RATING: 4 & 4/5 STARS!
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