The first round has come and gone, and these are the fourteen guys stealing scholarships from more deserving young people to bounce a fucking orange ball around for big money for the universities on the TV that have scored the most points thus far in their allegedly amateur career in the NCAA March Madness tournament. The fourteen for this day are the same, in slightly altered order, from Thursday's first round list, which means no upsets occurred, which also means the tournament sucked on Thursday. And fuck Jay Bilas...
#1: Tyler Hansbrough (of the UNC, 242 tourney points thus far) - Again, I do not like Tyler Hansbrough, but honestly, having been near UVA and its ridiculously deluded fanbase which thinks getting VCU's Anthony Grant to be their new head coach is below them (even though the rest of the country knows he's a top tier candidate for any job), when I close my eyes to the certain invididuals like Hansbrough I do not like, I actually don't mind seeing that powdery blue-trimmed Tarheel uniform succeeed. It is a secret shame of mine. #2: A.J. Abrams (Texas, 174 tourney points thus far) - And Abrams pretty much lit it up from behind the 3-point line on Thursday, getting the Longhorns into their match-up today with Duke, who, unlike UNC, I could never root for, even if they were fighting AIDS. #3: Darren Collison (UCLA, 153 tourney points thus far) - Collison shut down Eric Maynor on the final shot Thursday, ruining what has been a glorious spring of VCU basketball fandom for me, where I took my 10-year-old kid to a couple games, and she was all stoked too. When she awoke Friday morning, I told her they lost, and she was sad. Actually, I made it all dramatic and explained how they were down by 1 with 13 seconds and Eric Maynor went down and took the shot... and missed. So fuck a Darren Collison (but even more so that weird Fast & Furious-looking Dragovic dude). #4: Antonio Anderson (Memphis Thuggers, 142 previous tourney points) - John Calipari's highly athletic team has been trash talking their second round opponent in Maryland, which won't mean they'll lose, but also shows what a bunch of streetballing all-star who can't properly conjugate normal verbs he has brought together. They'd be a shoo-in at Rucker Park, but I think, like usual, a Calipari-coached team will stumble somewhere along the way. #5: Wayne Ellington (UNC, 139 previous tourney points) - Picking up the inside/outside slack with Hansbrough well with Ty Lawson on the bench during their first round exhibition against Radford. #6: Ty Lawson (UNC, 113 previous tourney points) - And none of them this year. I haven't heard the reports about whether he's back for this second round game today against LSU or not, but the sports dork consensus seems to be the Tarheels need him back to win it all. I don't buy that. I think they're a better lock for the title with him, but even without him, that only downgrades them to amongst the five or six schools that have a shot to win it all. #7: Josh Shipp (UCLA, 110 previous tourney points) - Again, fuck UCLA. #8: Robert Dozier (another Memphis husky gentleman, 103 previous tourney points) #9: Danny Green (UNC, 99 previous tourney points) - The defensive minded starter in their line-up. #10: Scottie Reynolds (Villanova Wildcats, 88 previous tourney points) - And this should grow even more with the second round as they are playing a home game against a west coast team that travelled more than anyone. #11: Deon Thompson (UNC, 84 previous points) - Thompson, like Hansbrough, for some reason I cannot stand, and have to ignore his presence when I quietly and internally hope for the Tarheels to win. #12: Josh Carter (Texas A&M Agricultural Kids, 75 previous tourney points) - I hope this dude, in his senior year, lights it up today, because if I have learned to accept UNC in recent years, I have also learned I hate Connecticut more than almost any other team out there, other than Duke, because basically they're like Duke of the northeast with lower academic standards. #13: Damion James (Texas Syzzurp, 74 previous tourney points) - Wow, with the Longhorns facing the stupid Blue Devils tonight, I guess I'm pulling for Texas teams across the board today. #14: Greg Paulus (Dookie Blues, 74 previous tourney points) - Continuing a long tradition of fucking ugly ass whiteboys that Coach K constantly recruits to help them feel more empowered about being an ugly ass whiteboy. It is a cause close to Coach K's heart.
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