AFFORDABILITY: Buffalo Bill is some left coast bullshit, and like all things west coast glorified, by the time it gets to my dumbass in rural Virginia, it is overhyped, costs too much, and damn, we don't make no money here like y'all reading ass fools do in Berkeley, Librulfornia. 1 out of 5.
DESTROYABILITY: Sweet and fruity. That type of thing destroys you, but slowly, like an STD. 1 out of 5.
LABEL AESTHETIC: The label looks like a poster you'd see in the women's bathroom of one of those old school movie theaters that play the economically-priced second-run flicks and all the girls that work there dress like flappers. If I was looking to lick Georgia O'Keefe's yoni, it might be cool and all, but mostly it's like whatever, because I'm a straight up solid dude who likes to drink beer and grow my beard (no homo) and carry a chip on my shoulder with a smile and kick up some dirt to leave marks but no scars. Hopefully I can get rich and have a big house with extra rooms I never really go into and we can decorate the walls of those rooms with things that I would've thunk were fucking gay ten years ago. Even if that happens, this label, if painted onto tin, would not get hung on my fourth bathroom wall with desert sunset eggshell finish trimmed out with some bone white semi-gloss. 0 out of 5.
CORPORATE MASTER: A Hayward, California, brewery, brewed and bottled by Pyramid from up in Oregon, so it’s mad left coastery going on. I was driving a road home the other day from Goochland, and some dude had a sign in front of his yard, homemade, and I guess he’s running for some sort of local office, saying “FIGHTING LIBERALS SINCE 1943”. The whole crazy paranoid old people brigade that has made a mark in American politics recently, as rallied by AM radio, it bothers me, but not because I disagree with them (although I probably do half the time). It’s because once the Baby Boomers get older in 20 years, there’s gonna be even more of them, as delusional and batshit crazy as any old people ever, but in a way larger abundance. It means probably really retarded things for our American future. It is amusing to me how people are all like, “Oh my evolution! How could someone not want their kids to automatically listen to our beloved Barack Obama speak at the children?” when they’d been bitching and moaning for the last eight years about how much George Bush was stupid and no one should ever listen to him. Basically, that’s what we’ve gone down to in our American politics. Fuck it though. People who care about politics are people who don’t make sense to me. But I do know that just because something is liberal-minded and a corporation, it doesn’t mean it’s not evil as fuck. Whole Foods is full of scowl-faced rich fuckers who are just as bad, and probably less likely to invite me into their fancy houses as a tribe of Limbaughs would be, to fix something or paint an accent wall or some laborous bullshit like that. 2 out of 5.
OVERALL AMBIANCE: Simply put, this beer sucked. My wife is more frou-frou than me when it comes to beers, and she thought it sucked too. This was a purchase by me because we love the pumpkin ale by Buffalo Bill’s, and I thought it would be a super treat. But it was terrible. Terrible. Even hippie girls chasing String Cheese Incident shows around the map would hate this beer. Negative 2 out of 5.
TOTAL RATING: 1 & 1/5 STARS!
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