Dixie Beer

AFFORDABILITY: Well, I got this six-pack at the Country Blessings store in Scottsville, which tends to have expensive thangs, although they do sport a small local produce selection for like half the price of a grocery store. And honestly, the same time I bought this, I got a large pepperoni pizza for the family (best pizza in town, without question), and a Choco-love chocolate bar for the ol’ lady, which was like $3.29, almost making me put it back. But I didn’t, because there I was getting a six-pack, of which I never even paid attention to the cost. So I reined in my selfishness, and never looked at the price on the receipt, but honestly the old dude working often times rings up shit wrong. I try to pay attention because I almost got over for ten bucks one time, and my dad taught me those are tests that might come back to haunt. Of course, my dad also bounced checks galore for a two-year period, and the old dude has probably overcharged me as often as I catch him undercharging me. Still though, I would bet this was expensive, yet by my memory of the final tally charge to my debit card, not as expensive as some shit in that store. 3 out of 5, leaning liberally towards the high end.
DESTROYABILITY: My thorough enjoyment of this here Dixie beer caused me to suck down my 6-pack at a rapid rate, and whether it had a higher alcohol content or not, I know not. But the speedy injection into my blood stream left me feeling quite proper, and without the ricy upset internal organs of a lesser-priced beer. Why the fuck people purposely choose Budweiser confuses me immensely. It has the same tasteless drunkiness as twelve other beers, but is three or four dollars more expensive per 12-pack. Why bring this up talking about Dixie beer? I don't fucking know; my brain it be wandering. But you're more likely to find a Budweiser beer can in the average Southern America back road ditch than anything else. 4 out of 5.
LABEL AESTHETIC: Upon immediate look, this is a pimp ass label. Green and gold style ona white background, and the DIXIE is a basic ass athletic style font that looks tight in the green with gold outline. The upper bottle wrap has the same, with a tilt, and one of those French ampersand wingdings like on the New Orleans Saints helmets, and it’s just a nice ass label. I’d wear a soccer jersey with this on it in a heartbeat, and I hate white shirts. But then upon closer inspection, the label’s kicking some subtle suggestions, with hidden golden banners with a tiny green font saying “PURITY” and “PRIDE”. It being a Dixie beer, and me being from a place with a history of shutting down public schools for six years rather than desegregate, I am trained to think, “Oh shit, these motherfuckers are racist!” But then, I’m all about new beginnings, and the South is a great melting pot of Mexicans, Blacks and White Trash cultures in the 21st century. So I am all about some pride and purity from being from and all around here. And even if it is secret racism, fuck it man. I’ve known some really good racist people in my life, that would do anything for anybody, including those that they hate. When I walk through Whole Foods in Charlottesville, parking lot chock full of Priuses with Obama Pepsi logo bumper stickers, those people wouldn’t do shit for somebody stranded on the side of the road, black or white. Granted, they make contributions to comfortable things that enable them to feel good about their universal generosity towards others, so that they don’t have to be straight up with those they interact with outside their comfort zone in real life. (At the same time, I’d say the racists I live around now in Fluvanna County are the untrustable Easy Rider murderer types, so maybe I somehow settled my life in a shitty fucking place, full of fake ass rich and poor people, fake ass liberal and conservative people, but all fake ass people. It is Thomas Jefferson’s legacy, fucking asshole.) Still, for a white label - or beer label for that matter - that I’d gladly wear if it was printed in soccer jersey form (or basketball or football jersey, or even button-down baseball jersey, but not just straight white t-shirt, because all white t-shirts are stupid when worn as an outermost apparel, regardless of design), that’s high praise. 5 out of 5.
CORPORATE MASTER: They seem to be uncontrolled by outside influences, but in today’s corporate environment where corporations are aware you want mom-and-pop attention with worldwide accessibility, it’s hard to truss it. And the Dixie Beer, from Louisiana, is brewed under agreement, according to the label, in Wisconsin, although it does say “Monroe, WI” which could be a play on Monroe, Louisiana, where Lil Boosie is King, and if it is a goofy play on things, then great. If it is not, then whatever. I probably wouldn’t actively want beer brewed with New Orleans water no ways, unless it was endorsed by Lil Boosie. A generously trusting 3 out of 5.
OVERALL AMBIANCE: The Dixie felt good, tasted good, and made good with whatever promises they’ve ever made anywhere, of which I heard none. I will associate this here Dixie beer with my own very odd romanticizations of the New South, and I fully expect a Jay Electronica endorsement commercial of the underground variety, and then maybe a Paper Route Gangstaz song about it as well. 5 out of 5.
TOTAL RATING: 4 STARS!