Friday Love/Hate

I love the flow of words and feeling my own mind flow gaining momentum again. I did a story for a thing about a month ago, and put incredible oppressive pressure on myself with it, and even though I came up with a great ass story and google streeted my way through multiple scenarios I’ve never even been close to, the delivery felt off. I also know my inner critic is a Herculean bitch ass, so I can’t always trust that shit. It did knock me off my mind flow though, and I had to sit on the bank and watch things go past and try to feel everything out to where I noticed what wasn’t always noticed and could describe what’s not so obvious. It’s my gift, though it’s as much a curse as gift. But it’s what I got and if I had to pick one thing I was born to do, that’d be it. Be nice to pay the electric bill on time using it at some point in my life, but I’m not attached to that. What is supposed to come to pass will come to pass.

I hate how white all the people I know on a regular basis are. If you are a white person I know and read that, don’t take it personal, because it’s not any one person annoying me so much as the overall accumulation of middle class white people sensibilities and philosophies and shelteredness and everything just bugging the fuck out of me. I am a person who needs some grime, needs a piece of chicken to be fried in shitty yesterday’s oil that will be stored in a tin can for breakfast, needs the beauty of ugly, where fat can be sexy and your face doesn’t have to be scrunched up all the time. There is one dude in particular who has freaked me out in recent months, and luckily I don’t see him much, but he is a “righteous” dude activating for multiple causes. But you can look into his square face and see the snake eyes and know it’s not to be trusted. The fact of the matter is people working for causes, ones you agree with and ones you don’t agree with, are the snake eyed people. They are the ones so confident they are right that they’ll push it on everybody else, for everybody else’s own good. And when say how white some people are, that’s what I’m talking about. Quit being so white.