I love how trippy my overalls looked last night at the Nemo on Ice spectacular my mom shelled out big bucks to take all my kids and all to the show, front row style, by luck. When the blacklight kicked in for the tweaky fish costumes to shine on the ice and all the kids could shake their stupid $20 Made in China light doohickeys, the white thread of my overalls front was glowing bright and made me look like a cyborg, but only partially, so like one quarter robot, three quarters human, which is probably about right anyways. Then I saw my pant leg under the blacklight and I was like, "Damn, I'm a nasty motherfucker." Don't know if it was sexually related, piss stains down my leg, chicken grease, or what, but that bama looked filthy in the blacklight. Also made me wonder what it would be like to be high as fuck at a Disney on Ice thing, which in the front row like we were, probably could've been maintained. But if I had to sit behind people and saw little kids in front of me or families or whatever, I would've gotten all tweaked out and sketched and been pretty sketchy looking anyways. I guess that's what they make the luxury boxes for, so you can do hallucinogens at children's ice shows and not scare everybody.
I hate the New York Yankees and hope they not only lose but their stadium falls apart. Now I would normally hate the Yankees anyways just because I'm a contrarian asshole. But they seem to accumulate the types that I wouldn't like anyways. Like that Jorge Posada dude... they always seem to have at least one or two guys that look like him, generic latino jewish guy who would annoy the fuck out of me with talk of how he can't get a good bagel down here in Virginia or some shit. Then there's Mariano Rivera, who I know is the greatest closer or whatever of forever. But that guy looks more like a registered sex offender than I think any other professional athlete ever, especially when he takes his hat off and the same weird stubble pattern on his face goes up over his head but in a balding pattern. He will one day be convicted from a DNA database hit, I am sure of it. Plus Johnny Damon, who I didn't mind so much as a goofy Red Sox guy with longhair, which made him look like a fun-loving fucker by baseball's relatively unfun standards. Now, with the short Yankee mandated hair, he looks like a Chinese caveman. Also, Melky Cabrera creeps me out because I imagine he has contracted STDs from full steezies he shared with Fat Joe at an afterparty of some sort. A-Rod? You don't need to say anything about that guy; he just looks like the type who enjoys looking at himself in the mirror having sex more than he enjoys looking at the person he has sex with. Speaking of that, the Kate Hudson chick seems terribly lost, doesn't she? At one point, Chris Robinson's New Earth Mud CD was a favorite of mine, and a lot of the songs on there were written for her when they were dating at first. Seems slightly red flaggish to me that the same chick that would have a neo-hippie rock star dude's album written about her would be tagging along with A-Rod all the time and pushing his kids in strollers (as seen in Star Magazine! yeah, I be reading that shit at the grocery store). I would imagine she has some serious self-esteem issues. You know who I don't hate though? Derek Jeter, as much as I'd like to. When he first started out, I wanted to hate him, and did so because I can do anything I set my mind to in this world. But honestly, he seems like a mellow guy, one of those yellowboned bi-racial dudes that tap all the asses back in the day, so you kinda playa hate them for a while, but really, they're pretty laid back dudes, and why wouldn't you be when you get to access all the little ethnic sub-cultures of vagina without hassle? So props to Derek Jeter. It's a shame he's been a Yankee his whole life.
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