NFL WEEK 8: AFC North & West teams

Man, we're almost already half way through the regular season, and though football talking heads are all like, "Well, now what we know is what we know and this is how it is," I have to think shit don't seem right all the way through. But let me limit my frame of questioning authority to the AFC West and North divisions this week...

#1: DENVER BRONCOS (6-0, 2nd overall) - Okay, there can be no denying that the Brnocos are better than anybody expected, and that Josh McDaniels is awesome thus far. What I have a problem with is twofold... First off, those throwback uniforms are tight as fuck and screw anybody who's all retarded and Eurosoccertrashy and like, "ewwwww." Secondly, the AFC West is kind of a shit division that only had one quality team, and that team was coached by Norv Turner, which makes them not so quality ultimately, so even if the Broncos storm into the playoffs on the heels of domineering their division, I question their postseason validity. But man oh man, a Patriots/Broncos rematch between Belichick and McDaniels in the snow would be some sort of a thing, would it not?

#2: PITTSBURGH STEELERS (5-2, 7th overall) - You can't stop the Steelers. They're like one of only four teams that will be good any given year. They might coast and lack hunger and flame out in the playoffs, but they'll be back in the Super Bowl next year. And how the fuck do they keep making monster defensive players out of nowhere like they always do? It's frustrating.

#3: CINCINNATI BENGALS (5-2, 12th overall) - The Bengals are still the Bengals, and no matter how good they are, they are doomed. They lost that defensive tackle Odom dude for one, which doesn't help, but doesn't cripple them. But let me remind you of the last time the Bengals finally achieved, and made it to the playoffs, and on like the first play of the game, Carson Palmer's knee got crushed into dust. That is their destiny, for better or worse, because they are still the Bengals.

#4: BALTIMORE RAVENS (3-3, 14th overall) - Something seems amiss, where the defense is not the murderous wolf it used to be, and they're counting on offense. Doesn't seem like standard Ravens style, and I suggest they start feeding Ray Lewis and Ed Reed gunpowder in their creatine again.

#5: SAN DIEGO CHARGERS (3-3, 15th overall) - Oh man, Norv Turner does it again, ruining a perfectly good thing. Years from now, we will look back on this era of San Diego Chargers football, and collectively go, "Wow, they sure fucking blew it, didn't they?" Remember how Ladainlian Tomlinson was the consensus #1 fantasy dude in the Earth JUST LAST YEAR? Now, he's about four months away from sharing panels with Terrell Davis on the NFL Network.

#6: OAKLAND RAIDERS (2-5, 25th overall) - I have to admit I never actually saw a picture of Tom Cable until like the past week. And let me say, that dude looks like he'd break jaws. I see nothing but high comedy in the Raiders future whenever Al Davis decides to throw Tom Cable under the bus to pretend he's still in control of his faculties.

#7: CLEVELAND BROWNS (1-6, 28th overall) - It is testament to how embarrasing the NFL has become this year in its lower tiers that the Browns have actually won a game. And one in which they only had two complete passes and no touchdowns were scored at that. I think the era of free agency parity is purposely being blown up in our faces this year by the owners to make an uncapped year seem all that more likely, to scare the players, even though I think they'd all be mad to let that happen.

#8: KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (1-6, 29th overall) - At least you got to play the Redskins. As a lifelong Skins fan, let me say, your welcome.