Peroni Nastro Azzurro

AFFORDABILITY: Dude, in the grand scheme of things, none of this beer is truly affordable on my part, and I should be ashamed of myself. 0 out of 5.
DESTROYABILITY: Straight up, and this may be because my wife and daughters drink that fancy carbonated water bullshit, but this here allegedly Italian beer was okay for me, and it had the taste of slight carbonation, like someone had poured a ginger ale in Yuengling Light. I do not mind that, though I would not go out of my way for that. Italia is not exactly known for their beer, though I'm not exactly known for giving a fuck either. 2 out of 5.
LABEL AESTHETIC: It’s got all Italian words and looks like something that would wrap around deli meat. I have no problem with that, especially if it’s either hard or genoa salami. We traveled home through Pennsylvania last year and stopped at a big ass store up there, and as a Southern ass whiteboy, I was impressed by the deli counter of a place where white people still have ethnicity. I’m not no proud ass white guy who would go to jail and tattoo “100% WHITEBOY” on his forearm or anything, but it’s nice to see white people who still know what their flavor is, rather than the Southern-American mutt like myself. Those types, knowing their family history, tend to make better deli meats and sausages and all as well, which is really what motivated my concern most anyways. I don’t give a fuck about history or heritage; I just want some good ass food to eat. Yet you have to be careful, because it just doesn’t mix easily as you want. I have encountered a couple Thai-Mexican restaurants in my spirals, and they always seem to suck. Thai food is great, and Mexicans are the greatest mixed breed underclass the western hemisphere has ever known, yet the two food cultures mixed together don’t go well. It’s like soul food and health food. If you see a “soul food” restaurant that brags about tofu BBQ, that’s bad news. But if it brags about fried chicken, that’s good, especially if they misspell it as “fryed”. 3 out of 5.
CORPORATE MASTER: Oh man, the sideways top of the bottle label says this part I’d expect: “Peroni beer imported by Birra Peroni Internazionale”, which makes perfect sense, except then it claims “Eden, NC” as its home. North Carolina? Eden, North Carolina? I think I saw wrestling there one time, or drag racing, or something. That’s my homeland, Piedmont North Carolina/Virginia, the part where the factories have plywood windows or they manufacture socks, and the stores have a dirty feel but it’s comforting. The fact that part of the Earthball imports an Italian beer makes me proud of it, though the beer ain’t all that perfect for my current life. Still though, 4 out of 5.
OVERALL AMBIANCE: It is what it is. I can’t feel proud of it, nor can I talk shit upon its name. Mostly I try to think of the Dominic Whatever dude who played Junior Soprano when I drink it because one Sunday night, on the third digital PBS channel that plays international type things, they had an Italian movie that I carbon dated from visual keys to be about 1982 with that Dominic Junior Soprano dude in it, speaking Italian only, and he looked exactly the same as he did in the HBO series, just maybe slightly less wrinkled. 3 out of 5.
TOTAL RATING: 2 & 2/5 STARS!