AFFORDABILITY: I had visited family in south Florida, actually my wife's family, and they are of an economic situation I am not familiar with, like their shutters in their house probably cost as much as our whole property did. But we went out, me and the other dude and another family member who was unmarried, and we drank some beers at a bar, then wandered through suburbia in a Mercedes CLS, and the brother-in-law who was hosting, his credit card had gotten left at a spot me and him took the kids to lunch at the day before. They called because his card had been found, which of course was, to him, an excuse to go down there and snag a few more beers before us menfolk returned home on Thanksgiving Eve. He made a call to the wife's unattended cellphone first, checking sunset times, to make sure he beat some sort of sunset rule for short attention span meanderings they have established between them, and we went to the dockside bar and drank up a few Key West Ales apiece, being it was the local beer on tap. And his magically returned credit card covered the tab, meaning these were as affordable a slew of brews a dude like me could come across. 5 out of 5.
DESTROYABILITY: Me and a pair of brothers-in-laws, in a faraway wealthy place that I did not feel at total ease in, we drank down a few of these Key West Ales in a rambunctious manner. I led the way, being at unease, and my host bro-in-law told the waitress, "He needs another, his must have a hole in it." And then he finished his off too, and made the same joke about the hole in the glass, and the waitress, who was a vivacious buxom overtly friendly type, looked at the third member of our party and his barely drank beer glass, and I said that his doesn't have a hole, and she went, "Yeah, it has a diaper." We was rolling. Then we went home to the rest of the family in the big house of the host with mahoganey shutters and doors and I sat around drinking more beer because it was holiday time bitches, and I was in a different state. 4 out of 5.
LABEL AESTHETIC: I never even seened the label, and I don't honestly remember what the beer tap at the bar looked like that night. But being it is Key West Ale and I was drunking myself up at a gulfside bar in deep south Florida and it was during a cold spell of like 65 degrees at the end of November, I can give them the benefit of the doubt on their label, because it's cold as fuck here. My chicken water keeps freezing every day. Now I've got to try and save up for a stupid heated chicken waterer by next winter. Everyday it's something. 3 out of 5.
CORPORATE MASTER: The Key West Ale, upon some intense momentary internet consultations, is brewed up "under something or other" by the Florida Brewing Company, somewhere further up in Florida. In fact, the internet said that all the allegedly local south Florida beers are actually brewed up in the greater (oxymoron, am I right?) Orlando area. Having visited there and roded my first ever airplane and you could see the diaspora of wealth esploding through the over top of the swamplands. Man, my favorite time of cable television was when The Spike channel was still TNN but it didn't stand for The National Network but The Nashville Network, and though they played shitfuck crap country music videos a lot of the time, on a Friday night you could see demolition derbies, and on Saturday and Sunday mornings it was weird motor sports like the Swamp Buggy races and shit. That was some good television. I know the UFC reality program is all sorts of the populars now with closeted homosexual muscular young men with tribal tattoos on their upper backs, but man, having weird long truck things driving through two feet of water in circles is way better. And less gay. 2 out of 5.
OVERALL AMBIANCE: I enjoyed my trip to Florida because I had like $37 yet ate and lived like a King in a concrete castle with palm trees for six five days, and I associate the Key West Ale with such a high and unwarranted living, thus I enjoy it and hopefully have edutained you about the Key West Ale, even if the real type of info you'd maybe want from some beer dork review nerd website is not here. I am a spiritual person, and go by the feeling. 4 out of 5.
TOTAL RATING: 3 & 3/5 STARS!
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