Full Moon Winter Ale

AFFORDABILITY: This year New Years was an actual blue moon full moon (meaning the second in one Anglican Calendar month), so the ol' lady was pretty stoked about having to buy the Full Moon Winter Ale by Blue Moon Brewing for our New Year's bloodstream thinner. And there was some sort of bargain on them as well, again, like I always say, relatively speaking. I think my ongoing poverty, which it looks like I should be able to escape from in the next four months, has tinged my brain, to where I feel guilty spending $12 on a 12-pack (the dollar per beer ratio is all sorts of non-agreeable with 16-year-old case of Milwaukee's Best Raven), which I should, being I haven't made a couple credit cards payments in a row at two different accounts. But fuck it man, I have been non-working, broke, and when you have that fleeting money, doesn't a man deserve something to ease his mind? And if a 12-pack of Old Milwaukee (my old favorite) is pretty easy to drink down to maybe two or three left, but give my brain the super destructor superfly snuka splash cobra clutch interior headlock the next day, why wouldn't I choose a better beer that goes down slower, inebriates thicker, and doesn't ache me the next day? You tell me. Nonetheless, after all that justifying and lawyer ball, I guess it really wasn't affordable at all. Fuck. 2 out of 5.
DESTROYABILITY: Oh man, me and the ol’ lady drank so much of this, by the 12-pack boxes, for a few weeks there during the holidays, same time we had a big snowstorm, and it dulled my senses very nicely in abundance. Nothing to write home about, not that I ever write home anyways; usually, I just email my mom asking for money. But next winter, if it comes back around, which it will, I shall bring it into my home once again. 4 out of 5.
LABEL AESTHETIC: The Full Moon Blue Moon Double Moon Winter Ale is a chill ass bottle label, with, you guessed it, a full moon. With the double full moons in December, plus the two feet of stupid fucking snow, it kept us on chill mode for far too long, especially when combined with chronic self-unemployment. The label is mostly just blues and whites, straight up listening to Enya music curled up in the fetal position thinking about the warmest blanket you had as a 5-year-old type shit. You don't have to go to those basic three religious propaganda colors of red, black, and white like Shepard Fairey brainwashing people into loving Obama and buying the new Pepsi logo, as some nice light blue and black and white has the same Mass Com 101 emotional effect, but even more new agey and soothing. If it was legal to buy prescription drugs wide out in the open, I would expect codeine Kool-Aid to kick it with a label like this, just with maybe a little more blur around the periphery. 5 out of 5.
CORPORATE MASTER: My wife has enjoyed the Blue Moon beers immensely in our years together. In fact we bought a 12-pack of their spring ale last weekend for our first night without the kids in the house since our youngest was born two years ago. Imagine how saddened I was to see that it's just a fake microbrew label owned by Coors. I am cry. 1 out of 5.
OVERALL AMBIANCE: Hard to get behind the Blue Moon, even with their bootiful labels, when I know it's just some Adolph Coors bullshit. It's like Mr. Coors let his wife decorate the downstairs main bathroom, so it's all stylish and seems cool, but then the rest of the house is a giant full security bullshit supersized McMansion. Seriously, that was a sad discovery. My man Benji B. did electricalicians work at their super-plant outside of Waynesboro and just hearing the sheer immensity of it all makes me not like it. I guess all of them be that way, but still. 1 out of 5.
TOTAL RATING: 2 & 3/5 STARS!