(7s) Fred Durst List #2 - Kevin Smith

There has been more than one person during my life try to convince me how great Kevin Smith and his films are, and never once has that person had my respect for them overpower my intimate personal knowledge that Kevin Smith is a fucking fool ass. In fact, I tend to associate the friend with fool assery before I start to think Kevin Smith might actually be something more than some dumbass kid who made a good cheap indy film about working in a shitty convenience store. I'm all for that, and sure, Clerks was funny at the time (although I rewatched it a couple of years ago and it's not exactly a timeless comedy classic either), but really, Kevin Smith parlayed that into far more than he probably should have, considering, in essence, he's a comic book dork who argues with other dorks inside the interwebs.
Now I readily admit part of my disdain for Kevin Smith is probably undeserved and based on cultural barriers, me being a half-retarded barely educated beyond my ignorance rural whiteboy from the non-deep South, and him being a half-retarded barely educated beyond his ignorance suburban Jersey fuckface. I say beach, he says shore; I say cookout, he says barbecue; but we ain't calling the whole thing off, because seriously, I would like to smash this dude with an empty 40 bottle.
I understand he has some pseudo-stand-up routine/crowd interaction thing he does that has developed into a highly entertaining night of high brow fart jokes over the years, and that's great, because ComicCons should have contributed something greater to society than empowering fat pasty dorks into going public with themselves. But from the interviews I've read with this dude, the things I've seen him say, shit man even watching part Dogma, it is obvious this is a guy who, no matter how goofy he plays himself off as, when combined with the fact he still, as a famous person, argues inside the interwebs regularly, is someone who takes himself seriously. Now I don't have a film degree from UCLA or nothing, but I've watched enough movies to have a decent idea of good cinematography; and I do have a faggot English degree, so I know well written material, and his flicks don't really offer up either of these aspects in heavy doses. But here he is, Mr. Bigshot Film Dude, who will probably read this, look around my blog, and decide to make a remake of Every Which Way But Loose starring Ben Affleck as Philo Beddo with Seth Rogen as Orville and some stupid Hollywood indy slut of the season as the Sondra Locke bitch and a computer generated orangutan. Mark my words. That's how much of a piece of shit he is.
(Hahaha, I actually wrote that whole thing before his fat ass got kicked off an airplane, but that just reaffirms everything I said anyways. I have dabbled in internet dork cultures, and there are dork spaces for all cultures - from obscure sports to fringe movies to raising chickens to anything really. The internet is a bizarre culture dish where the unwanted in real life can pretend they are wanted and give their pasty fat asses an inflated sense of self. Kevin Smith is probably the most famous example. I remember him bragging on how many Myspace friends he has, and now he seems pretty damn proud of his twitter ranking. He is just proud of himself enough to tell everybody how awesome he is, and given backbone to such things by his sycophantic internet followers, yet still inside he's a pathetic self-loathing shithead still mad because pretty girls didn't like him and the cool kids didn't drink beer with him in high school, so he tries really hard. I almost want to feel sorry for him, but then he pushes himself so hard and plus has gotten rich off of not that great a body of work, so fuck him.)