J.J. Krupert Top 13 Countdown - April '10 #6: "Be Forewarned" by Pentagram

Look, I can't speak enough upon this song, or this group. Basically, if Jesco White of The Dancin' Outlaw and the kids from the Heavy Metal Parking Lot documentary had children together (oddly enough, first time I saw both of those was on a mixtape 8 hour VHS from my man Tony Erba in Ohio, which also included Wham! Bam! Thank You Spaceman!, which I'd love to get on copy again) and they grew up to make the musics. Pentagram is a retarded ass metal band from northern Virginia's 1970s that I never heard of at all until I went to North Carolina and crashed out at my boy Boomer's house after watching authentic lucha libre wrestling where the Mexicans all did the Battlestar Galactica evil robot thing with their arms during their national anthem, even though not in their actual nation. Boomer was pimping some good records, and he played the first Pentagram, describing it as "the American Black Sabbath, just nobody knew about them" and that makes sense enough, though doesn't really explain it either.
And at that time, even knowing dork white people who collect records with strange stories galore, nobody knew about Pentagram. Yet somehow about two months ago they surface within my own personal commonly travelled internet pathways, in multiple places, and I found this odd. It either has to do with some super secret dork internet hipster place that hyped them up that I don't know about, or they have a re-release coming out that sent press releases to popular dork music blogs. Either way, dorkery was going on, so I feel slightly stupid for adding to this egghead meme effect with a write-up on one song by these dudes, but here I am. I have no shame, plus not much else to do to release the stress. I don't get to reform my old ancient metal band and pass out from painkillers and vodka shots on the stage. I sit around at my kitchen table and try to peck at a keyboard to move away the kidney stones of daily life that clog my goddamned heart.
If I were to choose one song on this Earth to be my constantly played theme song as I drove awkwardly in a co-opted vehicle along gravel roads to go fight some dude who had more tattoos and muscles but less crazy than me because he put his alpha male member into my female compatriot, this would probably be the song right now. I would play it loud and slide across the gravel curves and get to his place of sleeping, anxiously, but then sit there on the front porch, quietly drinking his beer, until he finally came out, and then we'd talk about how we were gonna fight, and he might beat me and I might beat him, but either way I was gonna stab him with something, because it's hard not to stab something after listening to this song a whole bunch of times in a row.
STEAL "Be Forewarned"
NEXT UP: Hipster dooferism, but I ain't ashamed!