First of Da Month

So I've started a print zine that hopefully I'll have a new issue of every two months. It's gonna be limited as fuck, doling out copies (along with some sort of retarded Raven care package) to the top three each month in my very personalized and non-scientific Mailed Shit To My Post Office Box monthly standings. I figured beginning of each month, I'd list out the top five, at this point a few them are cumulative from previous mailbox donations, along with the rating (on a 100-point scale) they accumulated to be in the top three, or be in the fourth or fifth spot to position themselves for next month, as once you make the top three, you reset to zero, thus hopefully encouraging a healthy pipeline of wacky and useful shit to my post office box, so long as I can deliver a worthwhile print-only zine to make it worth their while, along with whatever other dumb shit I put together to send out as well. Here are the top 5 mailbox rankings for May 1, 2010...
#1: RussMac in Georgia - dude hooked me up with the motherload of Iron Chef episodes, which for some reason are still not available on normal people DVD, along with the Iron Chef handbook, plus a ton of other wacky shit like space documentaries (perfect for stoners, as well as 11-year-old homeschoolers) and old UFCs and shit. 87.3 points.
#2: Pitz Dogg in North Cackalacka - an old roommate who seriously slid into second place on the last day of April by mailing me a literal styrofoam cooler of beer. Like I went to check my PO Box and there was the wonderful yellow card that says, "Go pick up some shit from the counter fool!" and I went and the guy came back out with a fucking styrofoam cooler with LIQUID and FRAGILE stamped all over it. I took it home and it was full of Canuck beer, mostly some Don De Dieus (which translates from Franch as "gangsta of god" beer) and a few Maudites (which do not jibe well with the sudden 90 degree heat we have in central Virginia). 64.2 points.
#3: Ten Dollar David in RVA - another old roommate of mines, who apparently broke his leg in severe fashion like where he couldn't walk for a while and now has a metal rod inside of him so all he did was sit around and do nothing. He got his nickname from me because the first time (and actually only time) I ever road a passenger train, I woke up on a hardwood floor wondering where the fuck I was. I had been living between couches in Richmond at the time, but did not recognize this particular hardwood floor. The night before had been a blur of whiskey and painkillers and purple passion and cop parties and chopping some girl with a samurai sword, and apparently I ended up in Williamsburg, at David's apartment, talking shit to his roommates, who he had just moved in with like two days before. Awesome. I had no money on me that I could find, so I had to borrow $10 from David to take the Amtrak back to Richmond. Except he had no money either, so we had to go to his work, some restaurant, where I sat around uncomfortably drinking a free water while he bummed the money from his boss. Then I went and bought a train tickets and laid on the bench sweating a thick and stanky whiskey sweat while the train station guard dude cut up the radio so I could listen to the Detroit Lions/Washington Redskins game that was going on that day. A wonderful memory. Oh yeah, what David had mailed me was a couple beers, plus a soccer magazine. 35.7 points.
#4: Jersey Jared - just missed the cut, and had previously hooked me up with like a giant case of fancy pumpkin truffles, plus frou-frou coffee, right about the time I started drinking frou-frou coffee, so long as it was cheap. And it don't get cheaper than free. First in line for next month, unless the PO Box has surprises. 27.9 points.
#5: Some dude Joel - bought me a subscription to Countryside magazine, which is still the greatest fucking magazine ever to be having a country compound for. Mother Earth News is for city faggots who go to political meetings and hang out on Facebook all the time, talking about oil spills and political scandals that don't involve them. Countryside is for people who want to build chicken houses out of old factory pallets. 17.4 points.
In case you didn't know, the post office box is on the sidebar, but it's Raven Mack PO Box 270 Scottsville, VA 24590. You're also always welcome to give me money through the Enable Rojonekku button, but nobody ever does that, and you don't get shit for it except if you give me enough money to buy some beer, I'll probably let you special request some bullshit for me to write about. I ain't got shit else to do.