Hippies catch a bad rap because of how bad the really clueless trustafarian type hippies are. But I grew up around redneck hippies who were the salt and brown sugar of the earth, and those were righteous ass people, and really gave me the moral foundation I live by to this day. Thing is, none of those types really listen to reggae music. With guys, reggae music is really the start of the slippery slope into unloungin’ ass hippie guy. With chicks it’s harder to tell, because vagina is a powerful force upon this earth, regardless of the rule of men in tight suits, and the possession of a yoni sort of alters how you roll through this world. Honestly, I can’t speak upon it because I rock it penis-style when it comes to gender, but I can respect the power of it.
But when it comes to dudes, the overwhelming love of reggae music by a hippie-type dude is usually a red flag. Although this can be confused by a love for dub music, which is like extra drugged out reggae music basically. Reggae is to fat joint as dub is to fat joint plus washing down a painkiller with a fat Guinness bottle or something, although those types don’t usually take pharmaceuticals very obviously, so it might be wild lettuce tincture or mushroom tea or something to give that extra echoey plucking sound the proper environmental conditions inside your brain. Nonetheless, I’m not sure what I was talking about except how hippies catch a bad rap in this world.
Basically, I am sitting outside at my picnic table smoking eight giant slabs of pork belly into bacon with apple and maple wood chips, and I’ve been drinking for about three hours now, pretty much since we got home from soccer this morning. Last time I coached the U-8 kids (under 8 years old), it was all I could do to get them to go towards the goal. Now, with this batch, I’m teaching them corner kick plays where they rush the goal and shit. It’s another level, and I’m not entirely comfortable being that guy. I think I will just buy them all pizza and be like fuck it one weekend after a game.
Soccer is a great joy of the borderline unloungin’/loungin’ reggae guy. The redneck hippies I grew up around, they didn’t even know soccer existed. It was pretty much football and horseshoes. But that was a different time. There wasn’t Wal-Marts or Islam back then. And for as fucked as Africa is, god bless them motherfuckers for having more Islams than Wal-Marts.
STEAL "African Herbsman"
NEXT UP: Bi-racial hipsterism!
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