(1972, Vertigo Records)
Black Sabbath to me is all about uncles. For both sides of the family. First the Moms, because it doesn’t conclude as good as the other side does. I remember very clearly going to my grandma and grandpa’s house for some holiday bullshit, and my mom had two half-brothers, older than her, one was a fuck-up and one was a godboy. Fuck-up was awesome to me as a kid, a giant mountain of a man with a swastika tattoo on his forearm and he either hung out with bikers or was a Pagan MC and he either hung out with heroin or was a junkie, and now he’s old yet won’t die like a cockroach even though he’s had multiple serious afflictions, not to mention a decade back or so when some sort of squabble led to Dude A breaking back into a house he lived at, using a shotgun to shoot dead Dude B, and then shooting Dude C as he ran out the front room in the hip to where his hand was gunshot blasted into his hip and he lost five fingers but they transplanted a big toe onto his hand, so now he has a hand with 5 fingers, one with 2 fingers (or a finger and toe if you want to nitpick), and a foot with five toes, and one with four toes. Dude C is my uncle Littlejohn. Good dude. But anyways, at this holiday thing, godboy uncle (a Mennonite uncle or whatever that semi-Amish semi-Mormon group is that has 39 kids but only one wife) and crazy uncle and ma dukes and grandma were playing canasta and godboy uncle was talking about “this band named Black Sabbath, I mean what does that mean, and kids are listening to this every day” and crazy uncle just sat there quietly, concentrating on canasta, probably thinking in his head, “goddamn, fuck this shit, never again,” which I was way too young to understand BUT SOON ENOUGH! Funny thing is, I was the second oldest grandkid until godboy uncle adopted a foster child who was also older, and she was… uh… interesting in a slurpy way. Her and my aunt did a dance to “Hurts So Good” and looking back, that’s pretty funny for godboy uncle to have to watch. They adopted that girl and I became third oldest grandkid, but then that girl ended up being delinquent (SHOCKING DEVELOPMENT!) and she had a kid and somehow she was not their kid anymore but her kid was their kid. I don’t know. That’s how half-Amish/half-Mormon people end up with 39 kids usually.
On the other side of the family, it’s very simple. I was given a record player for Christmas one year, and I “borrowed” a few records from my uncles, five to be specific. There was Ozzy’s Blizzard of Ozz, Kiss’s Double Platinum, and a Black Sabbath War Pigs album that the second sleeve of the gatefold had been ripped open and a copy of Volume 4 stuffed inside. It was all awesome. But I honestly did not even know what the cover of Volume 4 looked like until like 3 years ago, although I’ve listened to it constantly. But the greatest thing about my copy of Volume 4 is somehow, “Supernaut” has a skip in the song that is exactly on beat, without a skip sound whatsoever. So I can play side A of that album and it seriously would play forever. This led me to write a thing for this hip hop whiteboyz thing that I used to do called Xpert Whiteboyz (that is starting up again maybe if I edit the shit) where I pretended I used an Xacto knife and magnifying glass to carve old records to make perfectly timed loops on them. Really, this would be an incredibly impossible thing to do, although if it happened by chance to my Black Sabbath album (by way of my uncles), then I guess it could be done. Unless of course the devil made my Black Sabbath album do that on purpose to delude me as I heavy-stepped my way towards oblivion.
By the way, this was a list I started a long time ago, planning on finishing in 2008 and to revisit every ten years, but yeah, look what happened. Fuck it though. I got no shadow.
No comments:
Post a Comment