I was vegetarian for a while there, not for a few years, but for a long ass time, and my favorite vegetarian dinner to be having was cooking up a pot of greens, usually a mix of collard and kale back in them days but if I was to do it now, it’d be mustard greens. I love mustard greens, eat them raw as soon as they sprout out the ground so we never really grow them too well, between me and worms down in there nibbling on them straight out the ground. One time I had dranken a bunch of wormwood liqueur and wandered away in the darkness and my wife cut on the side porch light and there I was laying in between two rows of the garden, head tilted sideways, chewing at a mustard green leaf, all slow and contentedly, like an iguana. With this pot of greens, the chosen form of side food that pretended to be meat was my wife would use Bragg’s Amino Acids (whose expensive ass has been replaced in our diet with homemade apple cider vinegar flavors) and cook up garlic slices in our big cast iron frying pan (we have like nine, because who amongst rural for-real cooking types can have enough bonafide frying pans? my drunken dream is to one day be actually hit with one by my wife, hopefully while we have clothes drying in the living room hanging from a cord run across the room), and then she’d throw in slices of tofu. Now I have always hated tofu, because it is soft and mushy, even when not mushy. But there’s this hippie commune nearby where everyone has sex from age 13 on, and they make a wonderful wonderful firm tofu, one style even with Italian herb flavorings. You can get it in shrinkwraps at more whitey stores, but hardcore health food places have it in the 5-gallon bucket for you to use tongs and pick out a prime block. But those things baked in the frying pan in the oven coated up with garlic and Braggs, that was some good shit. And honestly, even though I am nothing even close to vegetarian (I guess I was more vegeterrorist – not eating meat when psychopolitically necessary), I sometimes still miss that meal. Yet even with that, I do not understand at all the urban trend of “soul food” restaurants that are health food, which always ALWAYS fucking serve some sort of vegetarian barbecue, usually tofu or seitan. I do not get it. They are also always expensive, and full of white people who CARE and probably made some snarky comment about how fucked up Columbus Day is on their Facebooks or the Twitters, and there’s always a middle-aged yellow-to-redbone lady with very tightly done braidlocks and some sort of wacky print skirt or blouse on. My biggest problem is how can you consider yourself a bonafide “soul food” restaurant and serve an arugula salad but not macaroni-and-cheese. How long before the Whole Foods assholes roll out a healthy frybread for the native wannabes? Man, I loathe this world at times. Loathe it. This is why it is good I live in a mostly rural area on 5 acres and have been here long enough that most everybody knows to leave me the fuck alone. I’m a good dude, and I’ll help you out if you need it, but leave me the fuck alone.
Oh yeah, the song. This is another Alabama rap song about being country as fuck, though you have to imagine a bunch of black dudes from Huntsville, Alabama, are not truly country as fuck. I guess it's all relative, because to NYC rap pioneers, that shit is the boondocks and a half, but to me, I'd lock my car doors and pull my pistol out and set it on the passenger seat if I was riding through Huntsville.
STEAL "Country"
NEXT UP: Another song from the greatest real country alt.country album of the past ten years!
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