Friday Love/Hate

I hate the struggle to find light amidst a drowning darkness. That is not melodramatic nonsense – that is how my brain has been working. It’s actually testament to the wonders of the human body. For over two decades, I pretty much at least leisurely drank, and the body adjusts to those ingested chemicals, slowing down on different neurotransmitters, so that I wasn’t all out of whack from my personal decisions. But then when I remove that from the chemical equation, it has caused an imbalance that leaves me buried in darkness, barely able to see what’s on the other side of my body healing itself. Well, it’s not so much healing itself because I don’t regard myself as sick, but it adjusts itself, and this is a rapid chemical adjustment. But I’ve got a herbal regimen to keep me from drowning, and plus taking them when I wake up first thing in the morning has that Vybz Kartel song “Thank Yuh Jah” pumping in my head – “thank you jah feel good this morning, roll up the herbs before me start yawning.” I am of course not taking the herb that most people speak of when saying “herb” but the yawning after waking up is very relevant because as you walk around most days, there are many emotional and spiritual zombies around you. Hell, we just went through the most devoid of spirit allegedly spiritual holiday our western capitalist system has engineered into place, which probably contributes to my own darkness I drown in, as well as many other people out there. It’s hard to keep figuring out ways to squeeze blood from a stone, so to speak. But the human mind is pretty adaptable as well, and we find ways. We always find ways.

I love getting back to survival mode. Running through the woods with these teenagers lately, hiding amongst man’s junk, carving haiku onto guardrails after midnight, it has really fired me back up. Thanks to one of the Rojonekku kids who relocated to the Ozarks in southern Missouri, we have a new flag to plant in our field spiral. That makes seven. I have been lost at times through most of my first spiral on this planet, but I am proud of the work I am doing on this second spiral, and I am proud of focusing my immense energies into what it is going to become. It is not easy work, but it is necessary. HAARP angels ain’t got shit on me.