I saw Hayes Carll on the Jay Leno Show the other week, and actually tuned in to see it specifically, of course waiting until the end of the house, because who can tolerate fucking Jay Leno without wanting to stab America in the fucking throat with old railroad spikes? The song he did was off his new album coming out later this year, and it was a lot of song and I couldn’t get the real total feel for it, but I have faith in holmes. The fact he’s getting pre-release buzz and his record industry insider handlers are getting him onto the Jay Leno Show means something I guess (although it could just mean he’ll be deeper in debt to the record industry after this album).
This “Live Free Or Die” song is off of the Trouble In Mind CD, which if I was to be an opinionated asshole inside the internet, I’d tell you was the best americana/roots country album that’s come out since Car Wheels on a Gravel Road by Lucinda Williams. If I wanted to go all out and be a contrarian asshole about it, I’d say something like, “Trouble In Mind is what all those neighborhood gentrifiers lining up to eat whole wheat bagels at 11 in the morning at the same retro-kitschy hole in the wall they were drinking PBRs at at 1 in the morning last night want to think Car Wheels on a Gravel Road is. But what does it matter anyways? All they’re gonna be playing on the house speakers while you wait for your whole wheat chocolate chip pancakes or avocado and sour cream free range omelet is either Johnny Cash or some sort of bluegrass version of Led Zeppelin or Pink Floyd.” But mostly I just want to say this is an awesome song about going to jail in New Hampshire, which has always seemed to me like one of the better places to go to jail. There’s a lot of biker types up there, and my immense fear of being man-raped seems less overbearing when in a state without a large black prison population. Not sure why that is. Perhaps the tossed salad guy from that one HBO special being so goddamned scary, or maybe just the general stereotypical mandingo sexual appetite mythology perpetuated everywhere I look. Or maybe I’m just racist. I mean, white guys would probably rape me just as easily as black guys.
This is a feel-good jail song though, about stamping out license plates after stabbing a guy who was cheating with your wife. There’s no man-rape involved whatsoever. Jail songs would not be so feel-good if they were all talking about man-rape, though I read a stat one time that said for every one rape of a woman in America, there’s four rapes of a man in jail in America. Jesus, no wonder I’m so freaked out by that shit. Why would I read something like that and then hold onto it as gospel fact? Sad thing is, I probably read it in a Loompanics Unlimited catalog or something anyways, which means it was probably a freestyled fact made up on the spot by some wackjob writer. But I tend to do that myself, so I can’t fault freestyle factmakers. To be honest with you, there’s no such person as Hayes Carll. And when you download this song, it’s just going to be a virus that sends pop-up ads for Season 3 of Sons of Anarchy into your computer.
STEAL “Live Free Or Die”
NEXT UP: A song that makes my sweet little brutarian daughter smile!
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