Look, the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue is stupid. Not-porn porn magazines of the Maxim genre are stupid, and those are basically just extensions of the swimsuit issue principle. The entire thing is stupid - let's have naked women but not really naked and say crazy things but not really crazy. It is complete half-stepping.
Besides this, the notion of stupid bikinis, all of which cost over $300 on the low end of things, is crazy too. Would someone really spend that much money for that little of something? And the idea of what is beautiful in these things - scrawny women with bones that would jab you were you engaged in actual intercourse... if their frail bodies could even tolerate actual sex - is not even in alignment with actual beauty. There are no buxom breasts - a sign of being engorged with milk, thus actively maternal. There are no wide hips - better geared for procreation. The beauty standard set in this magazine is pure perversion.
But the whole thing is just stupid. The magazine smells like cologne samples, and is all full-page spreads of flat-chested women with skull faces decorated with nicely styled Barbie hair. I guess you can tell them to not send you one to count against your subscription, but that involves telling them, which I obviously didn't do. I guess for most people, the objection would be on some sort of Christian level, which only reinforces the fact that this is just watered down pseudo-porn to a lot of people.
If you want porn, go look at porn. The world needs more healthy porn. I think what bothers me even more, being a person who pokes words out, is the written content associated with the whole Maxim genre that sprung forth from the swimsuit issue foundation. It's stupid, barely thought out, and considered amusing or entertaining, for no real reason other than if somebody bothered to write it, print it, and send it to you, and you bothered to read it, you might as well pretend it was entertaining as you get to more pseudo-porn pictures. The internet is now full of websites like this, that offer up Top 10 Hottest Presidential Interns! lists or Top 10 Pictures of Women Riding Mopeds! And the lists are always one per page, with a non-stimulating picture, and a one or two-line not funny blurb. As a writer, this is my best hope for getting paid for online writing in 2011, usually struggling to force out one of these things, and you get $10, maybe $20. Seriously. I mean, you get to a point if you are in with the same group for a while where you can make upwards of $50 a piece, and get bonuses for page hits and shit. But still, what the fuck man? What are we doing? I refuse to believe that there are that many retarded people who really believe these things are funny or those women are so attractive that they have to stare at them all day long. But it gets to be one of those chicken-or-the-egg things, because with that being the cultural standard, people grow up retarded, which just perpetuates that system. So dudes who are 40-something salespeople always buy up the swimsuit issue because it's the swimsuit issue, making it the highest selling magazine of the year.
I don't know man. I just don't know. I don't understand why you would purposely pay over $300 to be almost naked, when you could just as easily go ahead and be naked. And I don't know why an almost naked collection of women on glossy paper soaking with the soapy chemical smell of cologne is better than an actual naked woman on your couch. I know I write a lot of babble words, no doubt about that. Yet somehow I feel like I'm far less lost than most. I am very glad for that.
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