Those normal ghosts of disillusionment have paraded into my brain again. Why believe? Why trust in fate? Why continue to pursue the EMF dazzle dance with carpal tunnel jazz hands, pretending it is building something, rather than destroying?
Basic tenet of most religions was expressed in that NGE-inspired Jay Electronica line, "You either build or destroy, where you come from?" Tricked into thinking we build, only destroying ourselves and our peace. This civilization is a trickier beast than ever before, and those at the top have robot fetishes at least in terms of letting robots heard the domesticated animals into the proper fences. Don't believe for a second the same rules apply top-to-bottom. The meritocracy delusion should be gone from your head by now.
This is me - an online blur of darkness, out of focus on purpose (my purpose - or their's?), showing bright brilliant flashes but never able to pull it together. By civilization standards, I am a failure, and perhaps even a squandered talent. But on the build or destroy standard, I am a success, just without the "I". It is a success that what gets done under the name attached to me has been done in the ways it has been done. It is beyond me; I have had little control over it my entire life. Now is no different. Though sometimes it would be nice to lottery ticket imagine if I was a successful by civilization's standards writer, working in a back yard studio with electricity, paying my electric bill the month I get it instead of right at the cut-off date and usually even then calling to get an extension until my next paycheck, but that isn't the way it goes. The things that would have to be done to be that type of civilized success, they are not in me. And if they were in me, I wouldn't do this the way that I do it. Word is bond.
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