freestyle sonnet #075: STARDUST/HARD TIMES/IDGAF

Death and dysfunction left me feeling elder role
at 44, from family broken and broke,
full of drank and smoke, motherfuckers never whole.
I've attempted to piecemeal peace feels, but still choke

up on the day-to-day - "it makes me wonder how I
keep from going under" message, either debt or dirt.
Find strength in deep heart breaths while staring up at sky,
but most hours trapped inside (space or self, but both hurt,

and feel confining). Trying to redefine self not
by what's applied by others, but divining place
more what I am. But bitch world won't relent - buckshot
to a psyche already fractured, scarred behind deface.

But them stars outside circulating through space made
me, no matter how much manmade domains still dissuade.