Juju Jihadi Krupert November 2017 number six "it ain't easy"

Feeling out of control on every front right now. And my lovely sub-conscious was kind enough to deliver the dreamy goods during toss & turn stressed out half-sleep.

The camper in the field (which I should clarify in dream world my property has had a pipeline or some shit run through it & there's been tons of construction so the immediate environs are altered slightly so the white camper that is at the top of the field IRL is down in the field in dreamscape) had a face peeking out the window, so I had to go down there & see what was up. Turns out a family of old couple and their five kids were trying to stay there bc they had to go to hospital two days from now but couldn't afford hotel.

All the kids were grown and 4 of them were professional looking white types but the oldest son was literally named Stone Cold & def trouble. I told them I'd have to think about it & come back.

When I went back to tell them I guess it'd be ok so long as they didn't fuck anything up bc I could empathize with their need to go to hospital while being broke as fuck, they were already halfway through a case of beer.

The 4 professional type kids were outside, being chill like I'd expect, but Stone Cold and his parents were getting blitzed inside the camper, but also trying to pretend they were chill & thankful for me being so understanding.

I woke up thinking "lol fuck you sub-conscious".

I have never considered myself a religious person (that corny statement of "spiritual but not religious" definitely applies) but recent years have had me exposed to old school sufi texts, & the sort of fluctuating and all-encompassing nature of that Creator seems to heart venn diagram well with what I already believed innately. I'm not convert in any official sense, but I do find solace & peace in shit I never would've expected a few years back.

My life is very much out of control (as is everybody's) & that's some scary shit. So doing a lot of little shit like chanting dhikr or reading old ass Ibn al-Arabi has helped accept the fact that control is a delusion anyways.

With that in mind, Brother Ali has become constant in my eardrums. Been listening to his latest album heavily, & wish there was an entire genre of Islam-infused hip hop like this in English. Or mb I just need to learn Arabic. I can at least control that.

But no doubt, shit ain't easy.