25-Man Metaphysical Roster: Brighton & Hove Albion F.C.

[classic photo of Brighton supporter being hassled by 

a constable, ACAB ACAB ACAB]

[25-Man Metaphysical Roster is a football dork methodology meant to establish a listing of players who have been most active for English Premier League teams in their past 100 non-friendly matches. Essentially, it is calculated by minutes played, but weighted towards most recent games. The end result is a listing of the 25 players in a team’s recent history who have had the largest hand on their metaphysical sporting trajectory. The English Premier League was chosen because it is the highest level of football played in an English speaking country, and I speak English. Also, it is what comes on TV here in the USA, where I fucking live. And yet still I should clarify I hate English, and also America. Thus maybe I hate myself. Should I not fail in maintaining my unpaid deadline, a new 25-Man Metaphysical Roster will appear on the 1st and 15th of every month.]

Brighton and Hove Albion were the third team to get promoted. I still don’t really know shit about them tbh. Luckily this is snuck in later, no blurbs, fuck it. If you see this because you’re poking around in this dork shit, thanks for poking around in this dork shit. A true Football Championship upstart too because none of these guys played on any other PL level teams last season.

#1: Lewis Dunk

#2: Dale Stephens

#3: Anthony Knockaert

#4: Bruno

#5: Shane Duffy

#6: Glenn Murray

#7: David Stockdale

#8: Tomer Hemed

#9: Gaetan Bong

#10: Solly March

#11: Davy Propper

#12: Mathew Ryan

#13: Jamie Murphy

#14: Steve Sidwell

#15: Pascal Grob

#16: Sam Baldock

#17: Jiri Skalak

#18: Beram Kayal

#19: Uwe Hunemeier

#20: Liam Rosenior

#21: Oliver Norwood

#22: Sebastien Pocognoli

#23: Connor Goldson

#24: Markus Suttner

#25: Jose Izquierdo