25-Man Metaphysical Roster: Crystal Palace F.C.

[the original "Crystal Palace"]

[25-Man Metaphysical Roster is a football dork methodology meant to establish a listing of players who have been most active for English Premier League teams in their past 100 non-friendly matches. Essentially, it is calculated by minutes played, but weighted towards most recent games. The end result is a listing of the 25 players in a team’s recent history who have had the largest hand on their metaphysical sporting trajectory. The English Premier League was chosen because it is the highest level of football played in an English speaking country, and I speak English. Also, it is what comes on TV here in the USA, where I fucking live. And yet still I should clarify I hate English, and also America. Thus maybe I hate myself. Should I not fail in maintaining my unpaid deadline, a new 25-Man Metaphysical Roster will appear on the 1st and 15th of every month.]

This would’ve been the second time I did Crystal Palace, but also cause for celebration because they would’ve jumped over two dead club bodies who did not make it back around for a second 25-Man service in Sunderland and Hull City. No blurbs because later in the game filler.

#1: Wilfried Zaha (up from #3 last time Crystal Palace was 25-Manned on 15-Mar-2017)

#2: Joel Ward (down from #1 last time)

#3: Andros Townsend (up from #13 last time)

#4: Wayne Hennessey (up from #6 last time)

#5: Christian Benteke (up from #12 last time)

#6: Yohan Cabaye (up from #7 last time)

#7: Luke Milivojevic

#8: James Tomkins (up from #14 last time, also previously #23 for West Ham United on 01-Jun-2017)

#9: Martin Kelly (same as last time)

#10: Jason Puncheon (down from #5 last time)

#11: James McArthur (down from #8 last time)

#12: Scott Dann (down from #4 last time)

#13: Jeffery Schlupp (up from #23 last time)

#14: Patrick van Aanholt (previously #1 for Sunderland on 15-Feb-2017)

#15: Damien Delaney (down from #2 last time)

#16: Timothy Fosu-Mensah

#17: Ruben Loftus-Cheek (previously #22 for Chelsea on 15-Sep-2017)

#18: Mamado Sakho

#19: Julian Speroni (up from #25 last time)

#20: Bakary Sako (up from #21 last time)

#21: Joseph Ledley (down from #10 last time)

#22: Chung-Yong Lee (down from #18 last time)

#23: Pape Souare (down from #11 last time)

#24: Jairo Riedewald

#25: Connor Wickham (down from #17 last time)