[Lego Turf Moor]
[25-Man Metaphysical
Roster is a football dork methodology meant to establish a listing of players
who have been most active for English Premier League teams in their past 100
non-friendly matches. Essentially, it is calculated by minutes played, but weighted
towards most recent games. The end result is a listing of the 25 players in a
team’s recent history who have had the largest hand on their metaphysical
sporting trajectory. The English Premier League was chosen because it is the
highest level of football played in an English speaking country, and I speak
English. Also, it is what comes on TV here in the USA, where I fucking live. And
yet still I should clarify I hate English, and also America. Thus maybe I hate
myself. Should I not fail in maintaining my unpaid deadline, a new 25-Man
Metaphysical Roster will appear on the 1st and 15th of every month.]
I don’t really know how to feel about Burnley, but
they remain a club in the EPL, firmly so actually. Weirdly, though nobody knows
them in America, they are the top team not in the Big 6, and actually
threatening to take that number 6 spot, which would be great, because fuck the
Big 6 Clubs. No blurbs.
#1: Ben Mee
(up from #3 last time Burnley was
25-Manned on 15-Jun-2017)
#2: Stephen
Ward (up from #5 last time)
#3: Jeff
Hendrick (up from #11 last time)
#4: Matthew
Lowton (up from #6 last time)
#5: Ashley
Barnes (up from #12 last time)
#6: Nick
Pope (up from #25 last time)
#7: Jack
Cork (previously #12 for Swansea City
on 15-Jan-2018)
#8: Johann
Gudmundsson (up from #17 last time)
#9: James
Tarkowski (up from #16 last time)
#10: Scott
Arfield (down from #8 last time)
#11: Steven
Defour (up from #15 last time)
#12: Sam
Vokes (down from #9 last time)
#13: Tom
Heaton (down from #2 last time)
#14: Michael
Keane (down from #1 last time)
#15: George
Boyd (down from #4 last time)
#16: Robbie
Brady (up from #19 last time)
#17: Kevin
Long (up from #24 last time)
#18: Andre
Gray (down from #7 last time, also
previously #16 for Watford on 01-Mar-2018)
#19: Ashley
Westwood (up from #20 last time)
#20: Chris
Wood
#21: Phil
Bardsley (previously #16 for Stoke
City on 01-Jul-2017)
#22: Charlie
Taylor
#23: Joey
Barton (down from #10 last time)
#24: Aaron
Lennon (previously #15 for Everton on
15-Aug-2017)
#25: Dean
Marney (down from #13 last time)