25-Man Metaphysical Roster: Burnley F.C.

[Lego Turf Moor]

[25-Man Metaphysical Roster is a football dork methodology meant to establish a listing of players who have been most active for English Premier League teams in their past 100 non-friendly matches. Essentially, it is calculated by minutes played, but weighted towards most recent games. The end result is a listing of the 25 players in a team’s recent history who have had the largest hand on their metaphysical sporting trajectory. The English Premier League was chosen because it is the highest level of football played in an English speaking country, and I speak English. Also, it is what comes on TV here in the USA, where I fucking live. And yet still I should clarify I hate English, and also America. Thus maybe I hate myself. Should I not fail in maintaining my unpaid deadline, a new 25-Man Metaphysical Roster will appear on the 1st and 15th of every month.]

I don’t really know how to feel about Burnley, but they remain a club in the EPL, firmly so actually. Weirdly, though nobody knows them in America, they are the top team not in the Big 6, and actually threatening to take that number 6 spot, which would be great, because fuck the Big 6 Clubs. No blurbs.

#1: Ben Mee (up from #3 last time Burnley was 25-Manned on 15-Jun-2017)

#2: Stephen Ward (up from #5 last time)

#3: Jeff Hendrick (up from #11 last time)

#4: Matthew Lowton (up from #6 last time)

#5: Ashley Barnes (up from #12 last time)

#6: Nick Pope (up from #25 last time)

#7: Jack Cork (previously #12 for Swansea City on 15-Jan-2018)

#8: Johann Gudmundsson (up from #17 last time)

#9: James Tarkowski (up from #16 last time)

#10: Scott Arfield (down from #8 last time)

#11: Steven Defour (up from #15 last time)

#12: Sam Vokes (down from #9 last time)

#13: Tom Heaton (down from #2 last time)

#14: Michael Keane (down from #1 last time)

#15: George Boyd (down from #4 last time)

#16: Robbie Brady (up from #19 last time)

#17: Kevin Long (up from #24 last time)

#18: Andre Gray (down from #7 last time, also previously #16 for Watford on 01-Mar-2018)

#19: Ashley Westwood (up from #20 last time)

#20: Chris Wood

#21: Phil Bardsley (previously #16 for Stoke City on 01-Jul-2017)

#22: Charlie Taylor

#23: Joey Barton (down from #10 last time)

#24: Aaron Lennon (previously #15 for Everton on 15-Aug-2017)

#25: Dean Marney (down from #13 last time)