Had an epiphany last week about why I hate the
hipster bearded, and it relates entirely unto Jimmy Valiant, who is depicted in
this video I slapped together for 45s on 33 DJ 1000 Featherzzz slow down of CCR
song. My childhood was shaped pretty hard by pro wrestling in general, but to
be honest by Jimmy Valiant in particular. He was my Hulk Hogan, because he
literally looked like a dude who would be drinking Miller pony bottles playing
Spades with my folks. And Jimmy Valiant’s long-running feud was with Paul
Jones, who in my mind, represents boss culture, supervisor culture, blue lives
matter culture, that whole poison culture which seems to reign supreme right
now and likely always has we just were better at deluding ourselves with a
black President to pretend Public Enemy’s music actually made a difference.
Paul Jones wore a stupid tuxedo, and had masked
assassins cut off Jimmy Valiant’s beard of power, beard of street people
symbolism, beard of not give a fuck about mainstream ideals. The long unkempt
beard is resistance to shineface philosophies, which want everything polished,
new, redone, and valuable. And that is exactly what Paul Jones represented,
which is why I was so emotionally invested in Boogie’s War with Paul Jones back
then. It was the jihad of street people versus establishment, of dirtgods and
earth goddesses vs. normalcy’s enforced order. This is still a theme, and we
actually live in super perverted twisted times where people who think they are
regular people have had their minds hijacked (or retrained, or poisoned too
badly) into believing shineface interests actually represent the people. Both
establishment political parties actively pursue this agenda, one more ominously
than the other, but neither is down for truebeards or dirtgods or earth
goddesses.
Anyways, it occurred to me last week in random
twit-exchange with other twit compadres, that this is why I so strongly dislike
hipster beardists, because they actually represent shineface philosophies
(hence the “traditional” barber shops and beard oils and shit like that which
makes economics somehow pop out of NOT FUCKING CUTTING THE HAIR ON YOUR FACE),
and thus are part of Paul Jones Army. But they are performatively acting as
though they are Jimmy Valiants.
Realizing this made me feel deeply unsettled, and
I can’t promise I’m not gonna reverse the thinking behind part of this
generated video I made, and study Hassan-I Sabbah’s teachings and attempt to
develop cells of masked assassins to cut off falsebeards under the cover of
shadow. I mean I probably won’t, because I don’t like forcing order on anything
else, because I’ve seen how the universe has a way of checking that when you do
it pretty quickly, and in fact I just barely avoided felony conviction at age
18 while attempting that. (Reduced to misdemeanor because white kid in college –
the first time that being the first person in my family who went to college
benefited me. Kept me out of jail. But also Paul Jones Army tempting me to
switch sides, tempting me to take the gains and do like the Ragin’ Bull Manny
Fernandez or Pistol Pez Whatley, and switch sides. But fuck that. Destroy this
system – destroy the whole fucking thing.)
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