25-Man Metaphysical Roster: Everton F.C.

[25-Man Metaphysical Roster is a football dork methodology meant to establish a listing of players who have been most active for English Premier League teams in their past 100 non-friendly matches. Essentially, it is calculated by minutes played, but weighted towards most recent games. The end result is a listing of the 25 players in a team’s recent history who have had the largest hand on their metaphysical sporting trajectory. The English Premier League was chosen because it is the highest level of football played in an English speaking country, and I speak English. Also, it is what comes on TV here in the USA, where I fucking live. And yet still I should clarify I hate English, and also America. Thus maybe I hate myself. Should I not fail in maintaining my unpaid deadline, a new 25-Man Metaphysical Roster will appear on the 1st and 15th of every month.]

Back dating to get caught up in order to re-start with the June 1, 2019 one. This would’ve been Everton on August 1 of 2018.

#1: JORDAN PICKFORD (previously ranked #11 for Sunderland on 15-Feb-2017)

#2: IDRISSA GUEYE (up from #8 last time Everton was metaphysically ranked on 15-Aug-2017)

#3: ASHLEY WILLIAMS (up from #4 last time)

#4: LEIGHTON BAINES (down from #3 last time)

#5: MORGAN SCHNEIDERLIN (up from #17 last time; also previously ranked #25 for Manchester United on 01-Sep-2017)

#6: PHIL JAGIELKA (same as last time)

#7: TOM DAVIES (up from #12 last time)

#8: MICHAEL KEANE (previously ranked #14 for Burnley on 15-Apr-2018)

#9: WAYNE ROONEY (previously ranked #19 for Manchester United on 01-Sep-2017)

#10: GYLFI SIGURDSSON (previously ranked #9 for Swansea City on 15-Jan-2018)

#11: DOMINIC CALVERT-LEWIN

#12: CUCO MARTINA (previously ranked #16 for Southampton on 01-Aug-2017)

#13: MASON HOLGATE (up from #16 last time)

#14: SEAMUS COLEMAN (down from #5 last time)

#15: JONJOE KENNY

#16: ROMELU LUKAKU (down from #1 last time; also previously ranked #24 for Manchester United on 01-Sep-2017)

#17: THEO WALCOTT (previously ranked #12 for Arsenal on 01-Oct-2017)

#18: YANNICK BOLASIE (up from #22 last time)

#19: KEVIN MIRALLAS (down from #11 last time)

#20: ROSS BARKLEY (down from #2 last time)

#21: CENK TOSUN

#22: OUMAR NIASSE

#23: AARON LENNON (previously ranked #24 for Burnley on 15-Apr-2018)

#24: JOEL ROBLES (down from #9 last time)

#25: NIKOLA VLASIC