25-Man Metaphysical Roster: Manchester United F.C.

[25-Man Metaphysical Roster is a football dork methodology meant to establish a listing of players who have been most active for English Premier League teams in their past 100 non-friendly matches. Essentially, it is calculated by minutes played, but weighted towards most recent games. The end result is a listing of the 25 players in a team’s recent history who have had the largest hand on their metaphysical sporting trajectory. The English Premier League was chosen because it is the highest level of football played in an English speaking country, and I speak English. Also, it is what comes on TV here in the USA, where I fucking live. And yet still I should clarify I hate English, and also America. Thus maybe I hate myself. Should I not fail in maintaining my unpaid deadline, a new 25-Man Metaphysical Roster will appear on the 1st and 15th of every month.]

Back dating these bamas, this would’ve been Manchester United on August 15, 2018.

#1: DAVID DE GEA (same as last time Manchester United was metaphysically ranked on 01-Sept-2017)

#2: CHRIS SMALLING (up from #9 last time)

#3: ANTONIO VALENCIA (same as last time)

#4: NEMANJA MATIC (up from #23 last time; also previously ranked #9 for Chelsea on 15-Sept-2017)

#5: ROMELU LUKAKU up from #24 last time; also previously ranked #16 for Everton on 01-Aug-2017)

#6: PAUL POGBA (down from #2 last time)

#7: ASHLEY YOUNG (up from #21 last time)

#8: MARCUS RASHFORD (down from #6 last time)

#9: JESSE LINGARD (up from #16 last time)

#10: JUAN MATA (same as last time)

#11: ANDER HERRERA (down from #4 last time)

#12: ANTHONY MARTIAL (up from #13 last time)

#13: PHIL JONES (up from #18 last time)

#14: VICTOR LINDELOF

#15: ERIC BAILLY (down from #7 last time)

#16: ALEXIS SANCHEZ (previously ranked #2 for Arsenal on 01-Oct-2017)

#17: MATTEO DARMIAN (same as last time)

#18: HENRIKH MKHITARYAN (down from #14 last time)

#19: LUKE SHAW (up from #22 last time)

#20: DALEY BLIND (down from #5 last time)

#21: SCOTT MCTOMINAY

#22: MAROUANE FELLAINI (down from #15 last time)

#23: MARCOS ROJO (down from #8 last time)

#24: SERGIO ROMERO (down from #20 last time)

#25: MICHAEL CARRICK (down from #12 last time)