Been trying to hype MY PATREON in order to have
artistic endeavors supported financially, but the hardest part for me is
marketing myself, because I don’t come from an arts supporting tax bracket
background. So it becomes an internal jihad question of empathy and
entitlement, because I saw a dude with a blue check by his name make a post,
which I’m sure he’d say was tongue-in-cheek or not serious (as nothing ever is
with entitled people) asking for sponsorship of a trip for five to Las Vegas to
go watch some wrestling bullshit. I mean, sure if you can find the rubes dumb
enough to support shit like that, go for it. The fucked up thing is at exactly
the same time I saw friends posting how their EBT got cut off due to government
shutdown, and also saw stories of people’s rent vouchers running out in
February, also because of government shutdown, so folks wrestling with hunger
and homelessness as real life issues. As I know folks in that position, and
have been dependent upon government services at times in both my adult and
juvenile life, it’s hard not to feel empathy for that, and see a certain
inhumane disconnect to be like “lol send me to Las Vegas to watch fake fights”
while motherfuckers out here starving.
Ultimately, this is why I’m horrible at marketing
myself, because I know how hard money is to come by, still don’t have it, and
know if I get it, hardly none of its gonna ever go to a patreon, simply because
even 8 years of stability at the same employer, in terms of multi-generational
stability, well I’m at 8 years lol. So the resources remain slim, and yet so
much better than a lot of people. I mean, I got food in my cupboard I’m like “nah,
I don’t feel like eating that” so it gets pushed to the back. Having known
hunger and empty cabinets, I recognize the privilege in that.
So I wrestle with how do I approach people who
have extra wealth, who enable the arts, when I’m not that type of person, nor
will I likely ever be? And if ultimately I have issue with the system itself
which breeds this level of inequality and human disconnect, where your
neighbors are struggling and starving, and you’re out here wanting people to
give you money to write poetry, I don’t know, I haven’t figured out how to walk
that line yet. But I know I need some damn money, and I know others need it
too, and I know this shit is broken that we’re living in, broken at the core, y’all
can’t blue paint away the internal rot, y’all can’t even green paint it or
whatever fuckin’ color fake socialist democrats mark themselves… the shit’s
broken. But I also know it’s Friday, and life can’t be all depression and gloom
and even revolution gotta be fun. So I’mma throw on some go-go music, after
work gonna get my hair cut, might wear a whole fuckin’ Adidas track suit
tonight, fuck it, no shirt on too, 20 pounds overweight after holiday
slothfulness ass belly hanging out, not giving a fuck. My kids present to me
for Christmas was an Adidas track suit, and I ain’t even wore it yet, because
hadn’t had no fresh enough heart day to rock it. Maybe I let my brain tell my
heart today, “Fuck it heart, I know I keep telling you shit is fucked up, but
it’s Friday, you got a three day weekend, so fuck it, let’s lounge.”
If you enable the arts, enable me, please. People
support far worse at far higher levels. And if you’re broke perpetually and
hate the system like me, let’s tear it up, but not all serious style and
recreation of power structures and act like somebody’s gotta be in charge and
shit, let’s just tear shit up and have fun and take what we can and then when
it’s all gone and we’re like “oh fuck, what now?” we figure out what then. But
with go-go drums.
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