25-Man Metaphysical Roster: A.F.C. Bournemouth

[25-Man Metaphysical Roster is a football dork methodology meant to establish a listing of players who have been most active for English Premier League teams in their past 100 non-friendly matches. Essentially, it is calculated by minutes played, but weighted towards most recent games. The end result is a listing of the 25 players in a team’s recent history who have had the largest hand on their metaphysical sporting trajectory. The English Premier League was chosen because it is the highest level of football played in an English speaking country, and I speak English. Also, it is what comes on TV here in the USA, where I fucking live. And yet still I should clarify I hate English, and also America. Thus maybe I hate myself. Should I not fail in maintaining my unpaid deadline, a new 25-Man Metaphysical Roster will appear on the 1st and 15th of every month.]

WORKING THROUGH A MISSED YEAR BECAUSE WE RE-LAUNCHING THIS BITCH ON JUNE 1ST, 2019!!! This would’ve run on February 15, 2019, day after my birthday, about good ol’ Bournemouth y’all.

#1: STEVE COOK (same as last time Bournemouth was metaphysically ranked on 15-Mar-2018; in fact, he’s been #1 all three times we’ve done them, so he’s got THREE METAPHYSICAL STARS)

#2: NATHAN AKE (up from #6 last time)

#3: RYAN FRASER (up from #7 last time)

#4: ASMIR BEGOVIC (up from #11 last time)

#5: JOSHUA KING (same as last time)

#6: CHARLIE DANIELS (down from #3 last time)

#7: SIMON FRANCIS (down from #2 last time)

#8: CALLUM WILSON (up from #14 last time)

#9: ADAM SMITH (down from #4 last time)

#10: DAN GOSLING (down from #9 last time)

#11: ANDREW SURMAN (down from #8 last time)

#12: LEWIS COOK (up from #15 last time)

#13: JORDAN IBE (same as last time)

#14: JUNIOR STANISLAS (up from #17 last time)

#15: JEFFERSON LERMA

#16: DAVID BROOKS

#17: ARTUR BORUC (down from #12 last time)

#18: LYS MOUSSET (up from #19 last time)

#19: MARC PUGH (down from #16 last time)

#20: DIEGO RICO

#21: JERMAIN DEFOE (same as last time)

#22: HARRY ARTER (down from #10 last time)

#23: BENIK AFOBE (down from #18 last time; also previously ranked #20 for Wolverhampton on 01-Jun-2018)

#24: JACK SIMPSON (same as last time)

#25:  NATHANIEL CLYNE (previously ranked #20 for Liverpool on 01-Oct-2018)