[25-Man Metaphysical
Roster is a football dork methodology meant to establish a listing of players
who have been most active for English Premier League teams in their past 100
non-friendly matches. Essentially, it is calculated by minutes played, but weighted
towards most recent games. The end result is a listing of the 25 players in a
team’s recent history who have had the largest hand on their metaphysical
sporting trajectory. The English Premier League was chosen because it is the
highest level of football played in an English speaking country, and I speak
English. Also, it is what comes on TV here in the USA, where I fucking live. And
yet still I should clarify I hate English, and also America. Thus maybe I hate
myself. Should I not fail in maintaining my unpaid deadline, a new 25-Man
Metaphysical Roster will appear on the 1st and 15th of every month.]
WORKING THROUGH A MISSED YEAR BECAUSE WE
RE-LAUNCHING THIS BITCH ON JUNE 1ST, 2019!!! This is Fulham, who are relegated
already.
#1: DENIS
ODOI (up from #7 last time Fulham was
metaphysically ranked on 01-Jul-2018; also his FIRST METAPHYSICAL STAR)
#2: TIM
REAM (down from #1 last time)
#3: ALEKSANDAR
MITROVIC (up from #15 last time)
#4: RYAN
SESSEGNON (up from #5 last time)
#5: TOM
CAIRNEY (up from #6 last time)
#6: SERGIO
RICO
#7: KEVIN
MCDONALD (down from #2 last time)
#8: CALUM
CHAMBERS (previously ranked #19 for
Arsenal on 15-Sep-2018)
#9: JOE
BRYAN
#10: JEAN
MICHAEL SERI
#11: MAXIME
LE MARCHAND
#12: STEFAN
JOHANSEN (down from #3 last time)
#13: MARCUS
BETTINELLI (down from #9 last time)
#14: CYRUS
CHRISTIE
#15: RYAN
FREDERICKS (down from #4 last time;
also previously ranked #23 for West Ham United on 01-Mar-2019)
#16: ANDRE-FRANK
ZAMBO ANGUISSA
#17: ANDRE
SCHURRLE
#18: ABOUBAKAR
KAMARA (same as last time)
#19: RYAN
BABEL
#20: FLOYD
AYITE (down from #10 last time)
#21: LUCIANO
VIETTO
#22: MATT
TARGETT (down from #13 last time)
#23: ALFIE
MAWSON (previously ranked #2 for
Swansea City on 15-Jan-2018)
#24: TOMAS
KALAS (down from #8 last time)
#25: TIMOTHY
FOSU-MENSAH (previously ranked #19
for Crystal Palace on 01-Jan-2019)
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