I know y’all all got little fancy blue tooth
speakers that look like friendly robot scat which are convenient and easy to
carry about out of doors and easily connect your wirelessly transmitted
cybertron devices to, but please don’t forget about the importance of yard
speakers. When I say yard speakers, I don’t mean specifically designed outdoor
sound systems on some fancy assed rich white people who live in Florida ass
patio area with them speakers attached to buildings all up high, which usually
also has outside grill that’s essentially just exterior gas-controlled shit
that people heat up pre-made patties and sausages and call this “grilling” in
the most basic yet consumptive possible fashion. I mean straight up yard
speakers – old ass 25 pound wood cabinet speakers that used to be your inside
speakers but you got better bigger louder inside speakers now, or maybe not
louder because these old ass wood speakers were just too damn powerful inside
wherever you rent or live and was turning your entire inside existence into a subwoofer
just too damn much to peaceably enjoy. Or maybe you got a baby now and the ol’
lady gets pissed when the baby gets woke up so you relegated the good speakers
to yard speakers for the sake of still being able to blast them. Or maybe you
got enough speaker cable your indoor powerful ass speakers get transitioned
into yard speakers. But the purpose of the yard speaker is to go the fuck
outside, and boom music throughout the yard and hopefully beyond. If you’re
close to neighbors, either have good taste in music or point the yard speaker
in the least offensive direction (or most offensive if you hate your neighbors,
which is not uncommon either, because there’s a lot of assholes out there).
Obviously a yard speaker needs a source of sound, and that’s what makes all the
little robot shit speakers so exciting to new-fangled-minded people, because
there’s less work involved. But really if you got a stereo, it’s not that hard
to run speaker wire out through a window, back into your yard speakers which
are resting on a milk crate off the ground or maybe on a wooden chair you keep
for yard speaker pedestal. My best set-up ever was permanent yard speakers
(meaning they didn’t go inside any more), sitting on milk crates, with little
tarps to cover them up. Eventually the tarps got weathered and wore out, but I
wanted to see how tough these yard speakers were – old 1970s thickness tested
by legit weather. They lasted a long while, long enough to get new tarps once
or twice, but eventually even they gave out. The cool thing is we live in an
abundance of old shit in America, at least until they stopped making good shit,
but we are still in the closing window of there being tons of extra yard
speaker sets available at thrift stores/junk shops/online for cheap and even
free. So I got more yard speakers, in my case at the too good to throw away
carport at the local rural dump, where I found three sets of yard speakers over
the years. Sadly we live in an era of diminishing returns on America’s greatest
period of yard speaker production, which it should be noted coincides with the
historical birth of hip hop, and that DJ Kool Herc as well as other early DJs
were essentially carrying around yard speakers to build loud sound systems that
ran off public park power to create early hip hop shows. The communal nature of
the yard speaker as well as the historical importance in American hip hop
sub-culture cannot be overlooked. Having yard speakers that you’ve sort of stumbled
upon, yet cared enough to make loud as fuck and only for playing the best taste
levels of music, this is important shit to a true lounger. That’s why the
commodity of installing exterior sound systems around your expensive patio
set-up at your mortgaged home is not the same. Most loungers don’t own homes,
and in fact it is testament to one’s power to lounge that they can build a high
quality lounging environment even without the privilege of ownership.
The basic starter pack for any resistant human not
about the mundane stagnant normal American existence is tarps, milk crates, and
machetes. But if you are forced to remain in place, without accepting
stagnancy, a good set of yard speakers is a wonderful addition to your (always)
temporary environment, and proves this by still touching on two of those three
basics of tarp and milk crate. And as summer yard loungin’ season is now in
full effect, and many are in fact enjoying a long weekend right now, I cannot
encourage you enough to blast some nice screwed and chopped music through your
yard speakers. We’ll save discussing the merits of dominoes vs. Spades vs.
small stakes poker next time.
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